JUST MY TYPE

Overcoming Compassion Exhaustion

2011-05-20T19:28:00.000-07:00

"When I was a torn jacket hanging on the barbed wire
You cut me free and sewed me up and here I am

Isn't it hard to be the one whose phone rings all day everyday?
Isn't it hard to be the strong one?"

- Bruce Cockburn, The Strong One, Inner City Front, 1981

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Compassion -
The word comes from Latin roots which mean "to suffer with" or "to bear with".

Compassion is an honorable trait and a true virtue. The Scriptures urge us to

"bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6: 2).

Indeed, God is portrayed in Scripture as having compassion (see Psalm 111:4;
86: 15 for example). The compassion of Jesus is also a matter of record (See
Matthew 9: 36 for example). As His followers, compassion should regularly
characterize our interactions with others: "Finally, all of you, live in harmony

with one another; love as brothers, be compassionate and humble" (I Peter

3: 8).

Exhaustion-
The word also comes from a Latin root meaning to "draw (out)" as in to empty.

Exhaustion for many people is a fact of life. When in a state of exhaustion, a
person feels empty inside - spent, depleted and used up - with nothing left to
give. This would appear to be the condition of the great Elijah who

followed up a dramatic and victorious showdown with reprobate royalty and

pagan prophets by running and hiding in the wilderness (see I Kings 19: 1-9).

Like Elijah, a person who is experiencing exhaustion wants to run away and

hide from anything and anyone who might want something from them.

Compassion Exhaustion -

When paired together, these two words describe a state of being whereby a

person who is compassionate and, therefore, personally engaged with the

suffering and needs of others, comes to a point of depletion, exhaustion and

interior emptiness. It is a condition well known to those whose lives and/or

careers are people-intensive and people-oriented. Healthcare workers,

therapists, spiritual care givers/church leaders/church workers, hospice care
providers, social workers and volunteers of many kinds are just some of those
who are at high risk for compassion exhaustion.

According to the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project:

(www.compassionfatigue.org); people who are attracted to care giving enter
the field already compassion fatigued. "Simply put, these are people who were taught at an early age to care for the needs of others before caring for their own needs. Authentic, ongoing self-care practices are absent from their lives". Although they may well be motivated by a spiritual mission or a strong personal identification with others in need (as in: "I want to make a difference!"), a lack of insight into the reality of compassion exhaustion can be a set up for burnout, moral failure, physical problems, depression and other symptoms of compassion fatigue.

Prevention

After a lifetime in the ministry and as a counseling professional, I have experienced my own bouts with compassion exhaustion and witnessed the impact of this condition on others. People in the throes of compassion exhaustion are almost always "good people" who mean well, serve diligently and care deeply but who arrive at a point where they feel utterly depleted. By the time they have acknowledged their inability to keep on keeping on, they may display symptoms of secondary traumatic stress such as substance abuse, isolation, spiritual confusion, apathy and emotional disconnection.

One of the more exciting new aspects of my own ministry has been to learn and to teach others specific methods and habits that nourish care providers - especially those who serve the Lord - and people - in ministry. I have had the privilege of offering my services in settings such as my counseling office, in soaking prayer sessions, on Skype appointments, on extended "Pastoral Sabbath Retreats". This fall, I am looking forward to joining a small team in providing Leader Care to church leaders in a South American nation.

It has been said that it is better to build a guard rail at the top of the cliff than to merely run an ambulance service at the bottom! And, indeed, my own experience with people in need of replenishing is that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Nevertheless, there are those who need help to find their way out of an already exhausted state of being. Thankfully, God has given us resources (ways and means) which can revive the exhausted body, soul and spirit: "He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul...." (Psalm 23: 2, 3)

More Mud, More Power....

2011-05-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Kristen Benson, I can now post many more photos of our neighborhood mud cleanup from earlier this year.
The more complete story of the mudslide cleanup appears in an earlier blog post here. And now for some mud....

Everyone could help, no matter who you were. Sandbags needed moving, mud needed to be shoveled, the power sprayer needed to do its work.
It was a mud-a-thon!

j One of our happy helpers: Paul Mills

As if out of nowhere - heavy equipment!

What a blessing and a miracle!

BTW: there is a swimming pool under there somewhere...

Young men, mud and insects - a perfect combo!

From back yard to dump truck out front

courtesy of the handy Bobcat.

Eric Brown Versus Mud... Eric wins!

Organizing the youth brigade.

These females fear no mud!

The shoes tell the news.

A Soul Surfer Finds Grace

2011-04-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

I'm looking forward to seeing the Bethany Hamilton bio-pic "Soul Surfer" now in theaters. One reason is that I wrote about her in my book How Healed Do You Want to Be? I quote from the chapter below. Enjoy! - and, thanks, Bethany for the gift of faith and steadfastness of spirit you share through your life.

* * * * * * * *

“But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when
you have turned back, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22: 32).

Bethany Hamilton was thirteen years old when she lost her left arm during a Tiger Shark attack off of the North Shore of Kaui, Hawaii. At that time, Bethany was already becoming known in the world of amateur surf competition as a true up-and-comer. The road (or shall we say wave) ahead looked golden for the young woman whose parents, Tom and Cheri Hamilton, had her on surfboards from the time she could walk. But on Halloween Day, 2003, the attack Bethany endured from an aggressive fourteen foot shark threatened to crush her dreams forever.

After multiple surgeries, the young surfer successfully recovered from the physical damage of the attack. Next, she would have to face the question of whether she would, or even could, surf again. Less than a month after her ordeal, Bethany was back in the water. She was determined to develop a new technique for herself that would allow her to compete in the surfing world again. It wouldn’t be easy, but Bethany was determined to get back in the game.

Throughout her childhood, the young surfer had nurtured a strong personal faith in Jesus Christ. Her maturing faith inspired Bethany to treat the shark attack as something God allowed her to go through—something that could be turned for His glory. Of course, news of her attack placed her in the worldwide media spotlight. But somehow Bethany seemed ready.

As her story became known, her indomitable spirit and positive “can do” attitude began to inspire people everywhere. "I don't pretend to have all the answers to why bad things happen to good people,” she later wrote. “But I do know that God knows all those answers, and sometimes He lets you know in this life, and sometimes He asks you to wait so that you can have a face-to-face talk about it”. Such characteristic honesty endeared Bethany to a host of people around the world who had become aware of her challenges. Could a young person like her really make a comeback from such devastating circumstances?

As it turned out, Bethany’s comeback was stunning. After only a few months, she began to win and place in prestigious surfing competitions in spite of her lack of a left arm. Over the next several years her amazing accomplishments and personal testimony opened doors for her to communicate her story to millions of people. Along with newspapers and magazines, Bethany’s story was also being featured on television news segments and talk shows. “I guess they see me as a symbol of courage and inspiration”, she said. “One thing hasn’t changed—and that’s how I feel when I ‘m riding a wave. It’s like, here I am. I’m still here. It’s still me and my board in God’s ocean.”

Ever since the attack first took place, Bethany has continued to turn her tragedy into a triumph. She was appointed chairwoman of Beating the Odds Foundation and has served as a spokesperson for the international compassion ministry of World Vision. Her autobiography, Soul Surfer, was published as well as Christian devotional books for teens. A film version of Bethany’s story is also in the works. Speaking of his daughter’s outstanding example of faith, Tom Hamilton observes: “Somehow God gave Bethany an amazing amount of grace in this. I am in awe. She never says, “Why me?”’ For Bethany, the “whys and wherefores” are simple: “This was God’s plan for my life and I’m going to go with it.”

Messes into Messages

Bethany Hamilton’s story is a great illustration of redemption; the fourth component of our five-dimensional healing model. What is redemption? One dictionary defines the word “redeem” as “to buy back, repurchase, to get or win back” (1). This could mean many things. For example, while Bethany will never get her arm back, her hopes, dreams and vision for living have returned—and then some! In the long run, her losses have been mightily redeemed for higher purposes than competitive success. They have provided Bethany with a way to bear witness to Christ and inspire others, having been “bought back” from disaster to bring blessing instead of despair. This phenomenon is not new. God has a long history of turning our messes into messages, our trials into triumphs and our tests into testimonies! How does He do this? By the power of something the Bible calls grace.

(Is There) Shame on You?

2011-04-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood" (Isaiah 54: 4)

"Shame on you". Few words pack such a sting. To put shame on someone is to assign humiliation to them and utterly dismiss them. In some cultures, "shame is worse than death" (that phrase, in fact, is a Russian proverb). But what, exactly, is the nature of shame? How does it affect us? What is the remedy?

Although guilt and shame share some of the same moral and spiritual characteristics, some have drawn a distinction between the two. Guilt, they say, is the conviction that something you have done is bad. Shame, by contrast, is the conviction that you are bad. The normal cure for guilt is to make ammends for what you have done beginning with an apology or a confession. This can go a long way towards relieving guilt's persistent pangs. But how do you apologize for what you are?

Forgiven, But Still Ashamed?

It has been my experience that we can experience forgiveness from guilt - the guilt of our sinful actions, attitudes and behaviors - without experience total release from shame. Many Christians know what I am talking about. If you ask them if they believe or feel that God has forgiven them for what they have done, they will say: "yes!". But if you ask them if they are at peace with who they are inside - if that mercy from above has penetrated to the way they see themselves within - they will struggle to answer in the affirmative for, although forgiven, they still feel their shame. This is not only unnecessary but it diminishes what is available in the finished work of Christ as expressed in His gospel.

Transformed Through Worship

In the Bible, shame is connected with idolatry. To worship false gods is to empower a shame-based life. These gods may stand in for actual demonic principalities and powers or they may be projections of self-worship. In either case idolatry is a degrading endeavor that sets us up to experience an ever-deepening sense of shame.

By contrast, the Bible portrays the worship of the true and living God as ennobling, life-giving, and liberating. God is not the one who changes as we worship Him "in Spirit and in truth" - it is we who are changed "with ever increasing glory":

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever‑increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3: 18, NIV).

Therefore, one of the key ways to experience release from the grip of shame is to worship God from our hearts and, in so doing, allow Him to affirm our place at His table as fully-adopted sons and daughters.

The Cure

The cure for shame is not only to accept forgiveness for sins, but to be renewed within by the grace of God. It is to see ourselves the way He sees us. It is to be transformed in our essential self-image by the gift of His holy acceptance of us through Christ.

The passage in Isaiah 53 that describes the devastating humiliation of the Suffering Servant Messiah demonstrates that He not only took the punishment for our guilt upon Himself, but also the root of shame and rejection of the self that our fallen nature has produced. From His humiliation comes our exaltation - not in vanity, but in saving grace!

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich" (2 Corinthians 8: 9). ng grace!

As we approach Good Friday and Easter Sunday, let's make sure and praise God for not only the forgiveness of sins, but the release from shame His gift of Grace provides!

The Pillow or the Porcupine?

2011-04-14T05:19:00.000-07:00

From my "Open Letter to the Church" in How Healed Do You Want to Be?

"The best people I have ever known - the people I most want to be like and have most inspired me - are in my life because of you (the Church).

But it's also true that you have introduced me to the people who have brought me the most disappointment, the most heartache, and the most embarrassment.

You have wounded me but you have also healed me. Clearly, Church, you are capable of both..."

These days there is a lot of talk about community. People speak of how they crave it - how the world (and even the Church) has become so impersonal, commercial and dehumanizing. It is said that the cure for this is something called "community". To be "in community" is to be in relationship with others - not just as passers-by but as true Brothers and Sisters.

When you are in community, they say, you are family. And when you are family, you really get to know one other and they really get to know you. Community is about being real, feeling connected, and shedding masks. To be "in community" is to be accepted for who you really are - and to accept others in the same way. Who doesn't want that? (Ummm, maybe you don't. Not really.)

Why? Because the ideal of community and the reality of community reside at two different addresses.

Community - REAL community - BIBLICAL community - includes soaring moments of transcendent love, deep meaning and holy awe. It also includes profound disappointment, frustrating conflict, and All even heart-rending pain. This is what the record shows - including the record of the New Testament.

There are times when getting to know me, the real me, can be like hugging a porcupine: the closer you get, the more it hurts. But it can also be like hugging a soft satin pillow - ooooooohhhh. The trouble is that you can't always know whether you are about to get the pillow or the porcupine. Both experiences come with the territory called "community".

God knows that we need both the pillow and the porcupine. Maybe that is why there are over 50 "one another" statements in the New Testament. These include: "Love one another... Be devoted to one another in brotherly love... Live in harmony with one another... serve one another in love... forgive one another, just as, in Christ, God forgave you... bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have with each other... do not slander one another... clothe yourself with humility towards one another..."

You may notice how much ground those "one another" statements cover. That's because taking one another seriously requires us to love, forgive and humble ourselves. This is not only "not easy", it is humanly impossible - which is why we need the power of God's grace to equip us to do what we cannot do within ourselves. This is how we truly grow.

In a day when so many churches emphasize crowds over community we might do well to go back to the Scriptures and compare those "one another" statements to our experiences. After all, you won't find "park next to one another" in the New Testament, nor will you see an exhortation to "nod awkwardly at one another while passing the offering plate." And just try to "greet one another with a holy kiss" and next Sunday's mixer and see where that gets you! No, real community is the kind that leaves quill marks on your arms while also awakening you to the smoothness and softness of satin.

Making Your Contribution - The Secret to Happiness?

2011-04-04T11:16:00.000-07:00

"O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life"

- Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

These days I think a lot about "making my contribution to the lives of others". It is on my mind when I wake up in the morning. It is something that comes up in my prayers and is a regular topic in my conversations with friends and family. This notion of "making my contribution" guides my thinking, helps meorganize my priorities, and shapes my perception of success.

"For it is in giving that we receive..."

If there is a secret to happiness, this is it. The happiest people I know are those who are actively engaged in discovering and delivering their unique contribution to the lives of others. Talk about people who are "switched on"! It is amazing to behold.

One young mother I know is developing a support network for young moms like her through personal contacts and social networking. It is fantastic to watch her blossom as she learns more about how to add value to her ever-expanding circle of mommies. Another friend is currently being trained to teach "Art For Healing" techniques which greatly help people process their feelings and their faith. Still another just said "yes" to coaching his daughter's softball team after the original coach was unable to continue. Although he is new at coaching softball, his contribution to the team's well being is already being felt!

I have lived 5 1/2 decades and, for some reason, I have more people like this in my life than ever. I feel like a rich man. Hanging around with "givers" is endlessly inspiring. My studies and experience tell me that contribution is the central task of the "second half" of life.

Being a "second-halfer" myself and having so many peers in this category may account for some of why I seem to be surrounded by so many generous souls. And yet, it is not all about age for I know some remarkable young people who value making their contribution to others at a high level as well.

The outstanding characteristics shared by the majority of "givers" I know - whether younger or older - is their vibrant relationship with God and their ongoing pursuit of spiritual maturity. When an entire household is filled with the grace it is a glorious thing! I think, for example, of the two host families that open their homes to us for our Sunday house church and our Friday night Bible study group. Week after week they share their trust, their living space, their resources and their time with us at an extraordinary level. The children in these host families range in age from very young to mid and upper teens. You should see how they join their parents in their generosity and servanthood towards us so that we don't feel so much like "guests" as "family".

"O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love

It is getting clearer and clearer that contemporary society offers two competing world views. One is the consumer mentality that frames life as a race to arrive at the finish line with the most "toys", the most applause and the most power over others. Those possessed of this worldview are never satisfied. Not only is their cup never full, it simply has no bottom.

The other is a contributor mentality that frames this lifetime as a gift that will soon enough come to conclusion. Therefore, their goals are not about self-aggrandizement but generosity of hand and heart. Their passion is to live with purpose - to do what they were made to do - whatever that may be. This, of course, is the biblical worldview so clearly annunciated by Jesus in His continuing call for us to be people who are "rich towards God" (Luke 12:21).

“For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life"

Bye For Now

2010-12-04T19:31:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a break from updating this blog, though I will leave past posts on file. I am writing a weekly e-newsletter, "Gracelets", that is available to those who ask by emailing me at: bill@mypastoralcounselor.com.

Thanks for stopping by!

Bill Faris

Rebuilding After Loss - Part Four - It Pays to Celebrate

2010-11-26T07:55:00.000-08:00

"Nehemiah said, "Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8: 10

A new friend of mine recently quit smoking cigarettes. It has not been easy. In fact, it has been very, very difficult. Nevertheless she is succeeding in her inspired effort to remain free of the cigarette habit. As a part of her recovery, she has joined Nicotine Anonymous - a 12 Step program for recovering smokers. In N.A., a "chip" is presented as the member hits milestones in their recovery so they can mark and celebrate each one. There is, for example a "30 Day Chip" and so on.

The other day, my friend was showing some of us a necklace she had made out of the chips she has earned so far. In this way, she was literally wearing the signs of her victory over cigarettes. The necklace was clever and attractive. She told us that some of the people who had taken notice of her necklace had been drawn to it as an accessory. They did not know what the chips represented. But she understands the meaning of each chip quite thoroughly. Show knows that, together, they signify victories God has helped her achieve. She knows that it really does pay to celebrate.

Celebrating one's victories is an important part of rebuilding after loss. It is not only appropriate to do so, it actually important. That's because celebrations have a way of consolidating gains, building faith and adding value to the sometimes considerable efforts we put into our return from destruction.

Nehemiah understood the value of celebration. He called the people to embrace joy: "Do not grieve," he told them, "for the joy of the Lord is your strength". Let me pause to point out that grief is an appropriate response to loss and allowing ones self to grieve well is key to the healing and restoration process. Nevertheless, there is a time (Nehemiah reminds us) when we must stop grieving loss and begin celebrating gains. It is important to do so, he declares to the people, because the Lord's joy brings further strength -- strength that will be needed as we seek to take our rebuilding process to the next level.

There are many ways to celebrate our restoration milestones. Some deserve to be public and noisy while other are better conducted in a private and intimate manner. As we approach Thanksgiving, it is an ideal time to pause and consider what it is that God has done or is doing to help you rebuild after loss. As you take note of these things, you might want to signify or symbolize certain milestones in ways that are meaningful to you. As you do, you will no doubt find that it gives you life, increases your joy and strengthens your grip on future progress.

"How can I repay the Lord for all His goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the Name of the Lord"
(Psalm 116:12, 13).

Rebuilding After Loss, Part Two - Assessment

2010-11-09T08:52:00.000-08:00

"I set out during the night with a few men. I had not told anyone what my God had put in my heart to do for Jerusalem. There were no mounts with me except the one I was riding on" (Nehemiah 2: 12) NIV

The Wisdom of Assessment

A fellow pastor I know enjoys rock climbing with his son. After getting valuable experience, they decided to tackle a particularly difficult climb -- their biggest challenge yet. They decided to obtain an expert guide to assist them.

Before they actually attempted the climb, the guide took them to a nearby vantage point so they could assess their challenge one piece at a time before engaging it. "The first segment of the climb will be hard", the expert told them as he drew their attention to the lower parts of the mountain. "But we'll rest there and get ready for the next part", he added as he identified a small resting place.

The guide then pointed out the next segment of the climb. It would be much more difficult. He went through it with them bit-by-bit until they all understood the strategy they would use to complete it. Another resting point was identified.

The third segment was very, very hard. My friend later reported that he was pretty sure he would not be able to complete it. Their guide assured them that they were up to the task but it would take everything they had. Once again, they reviewed each part of that final climb in detail before they struck out to begin.

Taking Time to Assess

In our hurry to escape the pain, anxiety, or discouragement that follows grief, loss and major reversals; we may be tempted to skip the assessment phase of the rebuilding process. This can actually delay our progress. Both Nehemiah and the rock climbing expert model the importance of first making a good assessment of the challenges we are facing before diving in.

A good assessment is holistic and includes the spiritual, emotional, physical and relational aspects of rebuilding after loss. We need to look carefully at what it will take to restore our sense of spiritual balance. Nothing is more fundamental to a good recovery than a clear sense of the presence of God and His promises to us in Christ.

A thorough assessment of our emotions is also in order. Are we emotionally over or under reacting? Are we managing stress, anxiety and grief reasonably well?

Physically, we need to pay attention to our sleeping and eating habits. If these have changed much in either direction (noticeably more eating or sleeping or noticeably less), we would do well to take note. We will need our best physical resources to manage the overall task ahead.

Finally, we must properly assess our relationships. Who do we have who can be present to our process with us in a helpful way? Who do we need to add to that list?

Once we have undergone a good assessment of the rebuilding process, the overall advances will be much greater than if we rush to rebuild too quickly.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace. I also told them about the gracious hand of my God upon me and what the king had said to me. They replied, “Let us start rebuilding.” So they began this good work” (Nehemiah 2:17, 18)

Rebuilding After Loss, Part One

2010-11-01T15:50:00.001-07:00

Nehemiah, one of the Hebrews who had been living in exile in Babylon finally got news from home. But it wasn't good:

"Those who survived the exile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down and its gates have been burned with fire".

Nehemiah was heartbroken: "When I heard these things, I wept..."(Neh.1:3,4).

Loss. Reversal. Bereavement. These experiences have the power to stun us - to "knock the wind" out of us - and to even shut us completely down with sorrow. Many of the people living in our own times are experiencing reversal and loss due to our country's economy as well as other factors. For many, these are trying times, indeed.

Do you know someone who is seeking to rebuild after grief or loss? Perhaps you have friends, family members and neighbors who have lost jobs. So many Americans have lost homes and other prized possessions as the financial pressures have taken their toll. And there are other kinds of losses, too. These include the loss of one's dignity, ability to trust, and sense of personal identity or safety. Perhaps you are going through such a time.

Life sometimes includes "mega-losses" such as when people lose important friends, a spouse, or a child. Enduring such reversals puts us on the receiving end of some of life's heaviest possible blows. And so, all of this begs the question: can people successfully recover from such devastating circumstances? I believe the answer is "yes". But restoration is not a quick or easy process.

Rebuilding Again - Beginning in Prayer

After expressing his initial sorrow and grief, Nehemiah began to engage the Lord in prayer. Prayer is certainly "Job One" in the rebuilding process for we cannot come back from powerful losses well without the wisdom, comfort, grace and empowering presence of God.

Nehemiah's prayer life remained rich throughout the daunting project of restoration he led the people to begin. Along the way he faced stiff resistance from enemies, the need to keep a large team of workers motivated and other logistical and personal challenges.

Wise Nehemiah knew that this re-building would require more than what human hands and resources could provide. Again and again, he called on God for help. As he did, he shared each challenge and victory with the Lord as if He was right beside him in the process (He was!).

Just as prayer played a major role in Nehemiah's rebuilding effort, so must it play a key role in your own loss recovery story. Many testify that prayers of many kinds - from gutsy, intensive prayers of praise and petition to deeply reflective prayers of Christ-centered meditation - have been their lifeline while in restoration and rebuilding mode.

"Then I (Nehemiah) said: "O Lord, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love with those who love Him and obey His commands, let Your ear be attentive and Your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before You day and night for your servants, the people of Israel ..." (Neh. 1:5, 6a)

Beyond Love - It Takes Respect

2010-10-26T06:48:00.000-07:00

"Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage" crooned Frank Sinatra, "The Chairman of the Board". Well, Mr. Chairman, true enough. But while love may lead a couple to begin a marriage, it is respect that will enable them to sustain it through thick and thin.

So what are some of the things that can engender the all-important commodity of respect between spouses? One such factor must certainly be the keeping of promises.

Promise Keeper - Promise Breaker

Some years ago, a friend found himself embroiled in a long period of conflict with his wife. "She expects me to be PERFECT", he complained. A wise advisor issued him a surprising challenge: "I'll give you until sundown to make a list of all the promises you have made to her and then broken".

At first, my friend was stumped. But, after awhile, his mental logjam broke and by the next day (he asked for an extension!) he had come up with over 100 broken promises - large and small. This simple exercise helped him to reinterpret the breakdown in his relationship. Maybe his wife didn't expect him to be perfect. Maybe she just wanted him to be reliable.

Respect Squared

Another way to encourage respect from your spouse is to show it. I'll be the first to say that most of us males are magnetically drawn toward those who show us respect. So, whether you are a husband or a wife, let me ask you: is there anyone on Planet Earth who should deliver a message of respect to your spouse more than you?

Showing respect invites respect to be shown. This has certainly been true of Robin and me. She is one of my heroes and I enjoy communicating my respect for her to her, and to others as well. I love it when I observe my married children enjoy a mutually respectful relationship with their spouses, too. My hope is that the respect I have communicated for them - and for their mother - have contributed to the strength of their own partnerships.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Aretha Franklin, "The Queen of Soul" made a fortune singing a song about the desire to feel respect from their partner. "Find out what it means to me" she urges again and again in that solid gold voice. Perhaps if we found out a little more about what r-e-s-p-e-c-t means to love and marriage, we would find new vitality in this relationship and in the other important relationships in our life as well.

What Makes You Strong, Part Three

2010-10-23T15:06:00.000-07:00

What is it that -- according to studies -- improves mood, relieves anxiety, maximizes health, sparks creativity and engenders feelings of love? Giving back.

It turns out that one of the best things you can do for your self is to do something for others. That's right: giving makes you strong. But of course, Jesus indicated this very thing when He said:

"If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving--large or small--it will be used to measure what is given back to you."(Luke 6:38, NLT)

Love in a Teapot

Sometimes we may thinking that giving back or sharing ourselves with others needs to be a grand affair but this need not be the case. The key to giving is to find ways and means that are uniquely your own and which communicate true care and concern.

One of my favorite examples of simple and creative giving involves a friend's mother who has a well-documented knack for acquiring inexpensive teapots at garage sales and the like. When she becomes aware of a neighbor or friend who is going through a tough time, or who is ailing or who could just use a lift; she springs to action.

Before long, a small plant or flower is planted into a teapot planter and the simple-yet-elegant gift is ready to be presented. Imagine what a delightful surprise this simple kindness provides to the person on the receiving end. And, of course, this thoughtful woman's gift comes with an offer of prayer, too!

This Grace of Giving

In 2 Corinthians 8:7, the Apostle Paul urges us to excel in what he describes as "this grace of giving". How wonderful when our giving is not a chore, but a "grace"! How life-giving it is when we discover that our tired, depleted, crowded souls can come to life again as we give to someone else. It is as if the overflow of the "grace of giving" comes back to us and strengthens us again.

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him" (Col. 3: 17).

What Makes You Strong, Part Two

2010-10-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

"Why weren't you all the Bill Faris I made you to be?"

I have a friend who believes God will ask me that question (among others) when I stand before Him to give an account for my life. Whether or not my friend is right, I do believe that it matters to God that I live in an authentic manner. When we are real, we are strong. When we hide, we weaken ourselves, give less glory to God, and minimize our contribution to others.

Hiding Places
"God is light," the Scriptures tell us, "and in Him is no darkness at all" (I John 1:5). God does not live in shadows. He is fully and perfectly self-aware -- 100% actualized in the blazing light of His own perfect knowledge.

I, on the other hand, am practiced at maintaining certain hiding places in my life. This represents a foolish attempt to conceal my true self from God, the world, and even my own awareness. The more I hide, the more of my strength I deal away. So why do I do it?

Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are!

Fear. Shame. Risk. Doubts. Sin. These are some of the things I figure into the risk/reward calculation of whether or not I will try to remain in hiding. Stacking up these kinds of things in the dark only load me down with burdens and illusions that weaken me.

The Apostle John reminds us that: "if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son, cleanses us from all sin" (I John 1: 7).

When I step out of my shadows into the light, I find God waiting for me there. I find forgiveness and cleansing, connection with others and true knowledge of my self. This is where my real contribution can begin. This is where my real strength lies.

So, let me ask you: are you all the __ _(your name here)___ God has made you to be? If not, pray that the Spirit we lead you out of the shadows and into the light where your strength can truly be found.

What Makes You Strong, Part One

2010-10-04T06:40:00.000-07:00

Žydrūnas Savickas. The name of this Lithuanian competitor may not mean much to you, but according to some he is the world's strongest man. After suffering a serious knee injury, Mr.Savickas returned to competition and eventually earned the strongman title, which he currently holds for the second consecutive year.

But, as we all know, there is more than one way to be strong in this life. In Ephesians, the Apostle Paul urges us to "be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might" (Eph. 6:10).

While I have no intention of challenging Mr.Savickas for his physical Strongman title any time soon; I am continuing to pursue my desire to become "strong in the Lord". Doing so is central to my desire to "finish well" in this life.

How about you? What is it that makes you strong?

Pursuing interior strength - strength of faith, strength of character, strength of heart - is a lifelong endeavor. So it might help us to pause and consider just what those things are that can truly make us strong. In the next three issues of Gracelets, I will be identifying three things that give us strength beginning with PURPOSE.

Strength Through Purpose

The famous evangelist Billy Sunday observed that "more men fail through lack of purpose than through lack of talent". How true! Knowing our purpose is Job One in living a life of meaning, influence, satisfaction and spiritual strength.

The Apostle Paul makes it clear that our purpose is tied inexorably to the purposes of God. Once we understand that our fundamental sense of purpose is hidden in God and His wise Master Plan, we can begin to make strides in our spiritual strength and development. "All things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

It makes me sad to think of how many people, especially younger people, are being raised without any sense of purpose. It seems that a good many of our institutions of higher education propagate the falsehood that human existence is a matter of happenstance - as if each of us are mere bundles of consciousness randomly burped up by an indifferent universe. No wonder why so many people are poisoned by nihilism. No wonder why so many are led to become "lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God" (2 Timothy 3:4).

But, by contrast, we become "strong in the Lord", and strong within ourselves, when we understand that God created us for a purpose. I believe that the unique nature of every human fingerprint is God's way of reminding us that we are creatures of His sovereign design.

The more you believe your life has purpose and meaning beyond your own survival, the more you will live into a Higher Plan and the stronger you will become. You may never be the next Žydrūnas Savickas when it comes to lifting weights, but living from a God-given sense of purpose can make you a moral and spiritual champion within!

Old Man "Can't"

2010-09-28T09:56:00.000-07:00

Old Man "Can't"

The little girl was frustrated and in tears when her grandfather came upon her outside by the well. The family had no running water in their Carolina home and mother had sent the young child to the well on a hot day to fetch a couple buckets full of water.

(pictured: My wife Robin and Dr. Williams at Robin's graduation from Azusa Pacific)

It was a difficult task for an eight year to draw the water into those empty buckets and then lug the heavy load back uphill to the house. She was understandably struggling to complete such a challenging task.

"What's the matter, baby girl?" the grandpa asked the upset child. "Oh, Grandpa" she sighed, "it's so hot and these buckets are so heavy. I'm too little to do this kind of work. I can't cart these heavy buckets all the way back uphill to the house. I just can't..."
"Now wait just a minute," the wise old man replied. "Old man "Can't" died about two thousand years ago. You can do all things through Christ who gives you the strength."
Those words, taken from Scripture, (Philippians 4:13) found their way deep into the heart of the child. Over the decades that followed, her belief that "I can do all things through Christ" fueled her progress.

Although she began life as a poor girl in a sharecropper's family, Helen Easterling -Williams was forever changed by her Grandfather's words. His confident assertion that "Old Man Can't" passed away for good on the day Christ rose from the dead fueled her considerable accomplishments. She reasoned that, as a believer, His power in her could make all things possible - and she acted on that faith.

She continued her education and began her rise to positions of influence and impact. Not only did she complete high school but she went on to earn her undergraduate, graduate and doctoral degrees.

Today, Dr. Williams is the Dean of Education at Azusa Pacific University - the institution of higher education where my wife, Robin, became acquainted with her during her own studies there. On the several occasions I have met Dr. Williams, I found myself in awe of her radiant spirit, deep faith, and affirming, empowering presence.

It's amazing to think that it all began for this most remarkable woman on that hot day by the well when a faith-filled man shared the good news that "Old Man Can't" would never keep her from her God-given course if she would simply believe that she could "do all things through Christ" - and never stop.

I wonder what stories you will tell as you apply those wise and timeless words to your challenges and opportunities?

The Sinkhole and the Mountain Part four

2010-09-06T07:19:00.001-07:00

"You have to think differently".

That's the theme we've been mining in my Gracelets weekly e-newsletter over the past several issues.

Thinking differently requires ALL FOUR of the following:

* Grace
* Mental Discipline
* A Compelling Vision or Purpose
* Close Relationships With "Mountaineers"
(those who organize themselves around God-given vision, purpose and imagination)

A Compelling Vision or Purpose

The "sanctified imagination" is one of the most powerful engines of transformation on earth. Put simply, we will "be" what we "see".

Our preferred future begins as a seed of thought and imagination inside of us. At that point it either languishes unnurtured, undeveloped and unacknowledged within or it begins to take shape as we invite grace to give it life.

This is not merely a matter of changing roles or jobs while remaining the same inside. It is better understood as a "metamorphosis."

The Greek word "metamorphasis" literally means: a comprehensive change in form. It is a distinctive sort of "extreme makeover" that is driven by forces within the person or thing that is being changed. At some point, these forces are powerful enough to alter outward appearance and influence.

The Apostle Paul contrasts "metamorphosis" (transformation from within) to the exterior remolding that a given object undergoes when exposed to powerful external forces of heat and pressure. These forces may succeed in outwardly "conforming" the object to a predetermined mold but, for Paul, this is not how believers are to be changed. Instead, he writes, we are to be "transformed" by "the renewing of your mind."

The Strong's Lexicon describes the word for "renewing" in this text as a: "renewal, renovation, complete change for the better".
We will change as we renovate the way we think until it completely changes for the better.
While this is undeniably a work of grace, it is a process with which we are called to engage, cooperate, and actively fuel.

Glory to Glory

The word metamorphosis appears again in Second Corinthians, chapter three. Here, it is used to describe a transformation process that is rooted in a visionary way of seeing ourselves anew (see II Cor. 3:18).

This new way of seeing is energized as we gaze deeply into the "glory of the Lord" in a manner similar to the way we look at ourselves in a mirror.

The longer we behold His glory and the more intently we concentrate on its features, the more we began to resemble what we see. In this way our own self image moves "from one degree of glory to another" (RSV) as the Spirit propels this continuous process of change.

Gazing into the Sinkhole

How sad, then, that we spend so much time gazing intently into our sinkholes.

Sad because the longer and more intently we gaze into our faults, fears, limitations and anxieties the more we become our faults, fears, limitations and anxieties. "You are what you eat" it used to be commonly said. Well, in fact, you are what eats you.

You have to think differently.

The Sinkhole and the Mountain, Part Two

2010-08-29T06:09:00.000-07:00

You have to think differently.

"Sinkhole Thinking" (organizing yourself around your anxieties) is consuming your time, cloaking your options, and limiting your availability to God's highest and best. It harnesses you to a fear-based life and limits your imagination.

You have to think differently. But how?

Four things are required if you want to change the way you think:

* Grace
* Mental Discipline
* A Compelling Vision or Purpose
* Close Relationships With "Mountaineers"
(those who organize themselves around God-given vision, purpose and imagination)

The problem with many would-be mountaineers is that they have only taken on one, two or three of these required components when all four are actually necessary.

Beginning with this e-newsletter, we will examine these four components more closely.

Grace:

In my book, "How Healed Do You Want to Be?", I describe grace as "holy electricity". This is so you can remember that grace is an active power that surges through your life through faith in Christ. It is the divine power to create change in anything it touches. It is the "juice" we need to scale mountains - and you cannot conjure it up yourself. You must get it through direct contact with God's Holy Spirit.

Often, the side of grace that represents God's mercy (His kindness and compassion) is presented as the whole picture. But grace is not only mercy, but power:

"But by the grace of God I am what I am," wrote the Apostle Paul, "and His grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them -- yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me" (I Corinthians 15:10).

Praying Gracefully

Many of our prayers do not treat grace in this manner. "God give me the grace to get through this" is not a bad or wrong prayer, but if we think of grace only in terms of the power to "get through stuff" we betray the fact that we are still organized around avoiding what we fear.

When we tap into the electric side of grace, we find ourselves praying Mountaineer prayers:

"Lord, rock my world! Shatter the limits, O God, and fill my limbs, my heart and my mind with divine energy to grip the side of the mountain of my inspired imagination and PULL UP!"

(If you remember the sound of William Wallace's rag tag army shouting and shaking their ad hoc weapons right before they charge the fully-armored English soldiers in the movie "Braveheart", you might throw a similar shout or two in here).

Sinkhole Prayers, and I have prayed thousands of them, are usually not filled with zest or hope but with resignation and pleas for survival. Fine.
But how many such prayers have you prayed compared to Mountaineer prayers that are full of vision, purpose, energy and imagination? What does that tell you about how you see God? See yourself? Frame your possibilities? Approach your day?

You have to think differently.

The Sinkhole and the Mountain, Part One

2010-08-18T07:21:00.001-07:00

"We saw the Nephilim (giant-sized occupants of the Promised Land) there...
We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them." Numbers 13: 33

There, in front of you, is a sinkhole and a mountain.

The sinkhole represents your fears and anxieties. It is practically bottomless. You don't want to fall into it. It is dark. It is frightening. Thinking about the things that live in that sinkhole makes your heart race and your breath go shallow.

Over there is a mountain. It is majestic, rugged, challenging and inspiring. To climb it will take effort. It will take forethought and fortitude. But, man, the view from the top must be splendid!

The mountain represents your God-given hopes, your dreams, your vision and your purpose.

You have a limited amount of time. You have a limited amount of resources. You must organize your time, your resources, your ability and your energies around one of two central endeavors:

1. Avoid the sinkhole
2. Climb the mountain

Which are you organized around? One way to find out is to check your prayers.

Are they mostly "sinkhole" prayers - "Oh please, Oh please, Oh please don't let me fall into that sinkhole!! (Repeat)".

Or are they "mountain climbing" prayers - "Oh please, Oh please, Oh please let me climb that mountain by the strength and grace You provide!

Let me plant a banner at its peak that bears the words: "to the Glory of God" and let it snap in the wind as I survey the view and sing Your praise! (repeat)".

Mental Disciplines

I find that, left to myself, I can easily get focused on living an avoidant life. Sinkhole-focused, my prayers, interior conversation and daily approach to living can orbit my anxieties they way the planets orbit the sun. Bleah...

Or, by the grace of God, I can practice the mental disciplines required to re-orient myself around the mountain climb. This requires me to think differently about just about everything.

Sometimes, especially in the wee hours of the morning, I wake up, my mind racing around the sinkhole, my thoughts circling it like a ball circles a spinning roulette wheel. At those times, I have to discipline my thoughts with prayer, with Scripture, with recollections of the goodness of God and so on. Sometimes I lift my hand up into the air, fist clenched, and call on God.

I will fight "sinkhole thinking" by re-training my thoughts toward the mountain He has shown me is waiting there for me to climb:

"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come? My help comes from the LORD who made heaven and earth" (Psalm 121: 1, 2).

to be continued...

Our New House Church Blog

2010-08-08T08:06:00.000-07:00

If you haven't already seen it, you might enjoy a quick trip over to our new house church blog at: Vineyardathome.blogspot.com

We're coming up on our second year of life together as a microchurch and the blog is our place to share our perceptions and experiences as we go. I'm not the only one who will be contributing to this new blog and I look forward to hearing what others have to say.

House church / organic church / microchurch -- whatever you want to call it; there is no doubt that the appetite for alternatives to traditional church is growing. If you'd like to hear from some practitioners of alternative church who are not against "big church", give it a whirl.

Actually, Life is Like a Box of Kleenex

2010-08-06T07:54:00.000-07:00

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every
activity under heaven..." (Ecclesiastes 3: 1)

Tom Morey (creator of the the Boogie Board) has a new invention.
His latest creation is a foam wheel that makes a surfboard easier to
transport. When reading an article about Morey and his invention
I was struck by the way he talked about his creative process. "My
inventions are like Kleenex in a box", he said. "I have to pull one
out to get to the one after that."

While Mr. Morey's description is a clever way to describe inventing
things, I believe it also paints a picture of our overall life experience.

Our lives, it seems, are not only "like a box of chocolates" (as
Forrest Gump would say). They are also like a box of Kleenex.
That's because reality has layers. Each layer consists of a
particular collection of experiences, discoveries,failures, successes, pains,
triumphs, relationships and questions that we must process. Like
Mr. Morey's Kleenex box of new ideas, each collection of
perceptions and experiences must deliver its challenges and gifts
to us before we can be thoroughly present to the next one.

This is one reason I am drawn to the biographical stories of the
Bible. Each one introduces us to the key seasons in the life of
Joseph, or Ruth, or David or Paul in a stream of mini-stories.
David, for example, has his period of herding sheep in the back
country of Judah. It is there that he learns to slay the lion and the
bear. How could he have ever guessed that those experiences would
prepare him to face Goliath at age twenty?

By applying this concept to our own lives, we might discern some
important "chapter breaks" in our own development. Each period
will somehow bear the fingerprints of God whether we were aware
of Him at the time or not. By seeking to be present to the themes,
life lessons and relationships we identify, we can better see how
the Lord used each season to prepare us for the next.

In my journal, I once noted that God had been teaching me
that everything in my life prior to any given day had the potential
to prepare me for that days challenges and opportunities. Not only
do I believe this to be true, but I also believe we cannot successfully
"skip ahead" if we are to truly grow spiritually. We will need today's
experiences to ready us for tomorrow. Understanding this not only
packs our lives with new meaning; it also helps us see why we must
pull out our experiential Kleenex tissues one at a time!

So thanks, Mr. Morey, for helping me better understand how God
is shaping my one layer at a time. And, oh yeah, thanks for
inventing the Boogie Board, too!

* * * * *
A Prayer:
"Father, life will always have its mysteries. Yet I know
that You waste none of my life experiences in working out of Your
Master Plan.

Help me to be teachable, open, humble, discerning
and available as I go through the various chapters and seasons of
my life. May Your kingdom come and Your will be done as each
layer of my life experience leads to the next one. And may all things
work to Your Greater Glory in Jesus Christ, Amen".

A Hidden Healing, Part Two

2010-07-30T04:01:00.000-07:00

This is from my weekly newsletter "Gracelets". Enjoy!

* * * * * * * *

In Part One, I introduced the story of one of the most remarkable healings I have ever witnessed - even though I was not aware of it at the time it was taking place. The entire story can be found in my book, How Healed Do You Want to Be?

On the day this hidden healing took place, I was in charge of hosting a conference of Christian singles at our church. During the opening worship time, I had asked all of the conference participants to join me on the large step area in front of the platform on which the worship band was playing so that we could make up an ad hoc worship choir singing directly to the Lord as our only "audience".

After hearing one young woman's outstanding voice nearby me on the steps, I arranged to have her join the band and sing into the microphone. Tapping her on the shoulder, I made the invitation while the band played on. Confused at first, she eventually understood that she was being invited to join in and she did. It was beautiful.

After the morning session, she came to me and expressed deep appreciation for what I had asked her to do. At first, I did not understand that something powerful had taken place for her. As her eyes filled with tears, she told me the "story behind the story".

What I learned continues here:

"A few years ago," she said, "I was a worship leader in my church back home. At the time I was married and had a family. But I made a huge mistake. I had an affair with a married man who led worship at another church." She paused to regain her composure. "Once everything came to light, it broke up both of our families. Of course, we were each asked to step down from our roles by the leaders of our churches. From there things just got worse."

She paused again, then continued:

"I felt like my whole world was falling apart," she told me. "We soon broke off our relationship for good, and I tried to go back and make things right with God and with the people I had hurt. But it's been really hard. I haven't been able to forgive myself for what I did with all the blessings and gifts God has given me. I have pretty much
hated myself ever since."

As I listened, my heart went out to her. I wanted to respond but before I could she said something I will never forget:

"When you tapped me on the shoulder this morning, my first thought was that someone had told you about me and that you were going to ask me to sit down..."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Is that what she thought of me? Is that what she thought of herself -- a candidate for public shaming?

"Before today, I had concluded that God never wanted to hear my voice in church again," she sobbed. "But when you got my attention this morning, you didn't ask me to sit down. You told me my voice was beautiful and that I should go up and sing with the band into the microphone. You'll never know what you did for me today. God
used you to let me know I am truly forgiven. Now I know I can be restored. I will never be able to thank you enough"...

I am humbled when I recall how God used me (without my knowing it) to accomplish a "hidden healing". I wonder how many hidden healings you have been a part of?

* * * * *
Perhaps you need a safe place where you can invite God's healing life and light to transform you and turn your heartaches into hope? If I can help you as a counselor, don't hesitate to contact me by phone or email.

A Hidden Healing, part one

2010-07-23T08:26:00.001-07:00

A "Hidden Healing" Part One

By William T "Bill" Faris, MPC"
Reprinted from my “Gracelets” Newsletter

One of the most unforgettable healing experiences I ever witnessed happened without my knowing it - until it was revealed to me in a surprising interaction after the fact. I describe this healing event as a "hidden healing" in my book, How Healed Do You Want to Be?

On the day this hidden healing took place, I was in charge of hosting a conference of Christian singles at our church. About 100 of us
had come together to begin the first morning of the conference with a time of praise and worship. As the music swelled, I was soon
caught up in the atmosphere of music, devotion and celebration. There was liberty and joy in that room and, before long, it seemed
as if the line between heaven and earth had somehow blurred.

Suddenly, I was struck with an inspiration to try something I had never tried before. Between songs, I went to the microphone and
asked everyone in the room to please come to the front platform and stand on the steps that led up to the area where the band was
playing their instruments. In only a moment, we had moved from our seats "in the audience" to joining the band as a sort of ad hoc one hundred voice worship choir. We resumed with hearty praise as we sang to the Lord -- our "audience of One". It was awesome!

It wasn't long before I noticed a particularly wonderful female voice coming from somewhere nearby me. It was beautiful, strong
and striking indeed. "That voice needs to be on a microphone", I said to myself as I slipped over to quickly consult with the worship
leader. He pointed to the open mic and I returned to where I had been standing while the band continued playing and the voices
joined together on another song. I gently tapped the young woman with the outstanding voice on the shoulder and she turned to see
that it was me who wanted her attention. .

I pointed to the open mic and urged her to please sing into it. She looked a bit stunned at first. When I assured her that I was truly
urging her to go up and sing into the mic she made her way there and joined in with the band. As I expected, her rich voice added
even more to the beauty and power of that morning's experience.

After the morning session concluded, I was surprised to see the young lady singer making a bee line for me. "You'll never know
what this morning meant to me", she said. "Great", I replied in my best pastoral tone. "I'm glad to hear it.".

She looked at me again as tears filled up her eyes. "No, you don't understand.... A few years ago I was a worship leader in my church
back home. At the time I was married and had a family. But I made a huge mistake. I had an affair with a married man who led worship
at another church." She paused to regain her composure...

* * * * *

Spiritual Abuse (if the church hurt you, let it heal you - part three of three)

2010-07-09T18:16:00.000-07:00

Spiritual abuse is a real phenomenon. According to authors David Johnson and Jeff VanVonderen:

"It's possible to become so determined to defend a spiritual place of authority, a doctrine or a way of doing things that you wound and abuse anyone who questions, or disagrees, or doesn't 'behave' spiritually the way you want them to. When your words and actions tear down another, or attack or weaken a person's standing as a Christian - to gratify you, your position or your beliefs while at the same time weakening or harming another - that is spiritual abuse".
(From the book: The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse).

Of course, spiritual abuse is easier to detect in kooky religious cults than it is in more mainstream churches. But that doesn't mean that this kind of abuse does not take place in a wide variety of faith communities. And, when you think about the intensity, vulnerability and transcendent nature of shared faith, it is not hard to understand how there could also be a potentially abusive "flip side" to the benefits of deep faith-oriented relationships.

What to Look For

There comes a time when those who are seeking freedom from the effects of spiritual abuse should find a healthy connection to a life-giving body of believers. There are a number of factors that distinguish healthy spiritual environments from unhealthy or abusive ones.

Three such factors are an accountable leadership, a commitment to scriptural orthodoxy and an atmosphere of grace and truth. No one particular size, style, "brand" or modality of church has the corner on these qualities. Therefore, a prospective new member of a church -especially someone who is recovering from a spiritually abusive situation -should be sure to personally interview church leaders and members about their faith community.

Accountable leaders understand themselves to be part of a larger leadership community and are accountable for their moral, spiritual and personal behavior not only in theory but in practice. When asked: "to whom, besides the Lord, are you accountable?" these leaders are able to name names. Those who are vague in their sense of accountability should be avoided. Those who revel in their "special calling" so that they are virtually entitled to a lack of personal accountability should be doubly avoided.

Scriptural orthodoxy may seem like an obvious requirement but some churches or groups only appear to hold orthodox interpretations of Scripture when, in actuality, they emphasize pet beliefs or practices that depart from "the faith once for all entrusted to the saints" (Jude, v.3). A quick review of a church's published Statement of Faith is probably not enough to tell you what you need to know about what a particular church "majors" and "minors" in. But if you observe how that church uses its time, talent and treasure you will see what is truly important to that particular community.

Finally, an atmosphere of grace and truth describes the overall environment of a particular body of believers. Where there is a commitment to truth; moral and personal standards remain high. Trust is earned, not demanded and the church's sense of mission reflects the priorities of Jesus. Grace, properly understood, is not another name for "sloppy agape". Rather it is seen as both God's provision of mercy for our shortcomings and His endowment of divine energy that transforms us more and more into the image of Christ.

Over the course of my ministry and personal spiritual development I have witnessed spiritual abuse AND recovery from spiritual abuse. If you, or someone you know, needs to speak confidentially with a counseling professional about these issues, feel free to contact me at bill@mypastoralcounselor.com

2010-07-05T12:08:00.000-07:00

If the Church Hurt You, Let the Church Heal You (Part Two)

By William T "Bill" Faris, MPC"

NOTE: I'm reprinting this from my weekly "Gracelets" email newsletter. If you do not yet receive Gracelets and would like to, simply email me at: Bill@mypastoralcounselor.com
In the meantime, enjoy! ---
* * * * * * * *
I recently met up with old friends who shared with me their disappointments and hurts regarding their various church experiences. They confessed that they were now "mad at God". One of them told me that they had no immediate plans to seek further church involvement.

Only Option?

It's not that I don't understand my friend's inclination to back away from the church altogether. There are a host of people who have made the choice to stay away from the church rather that to risk further personal, emotional or spiritual injury. But is a church boycott the only option? I think not. In fact, I believe it is important for those who have experienced hurt in the church to find their healing there. The best case scenario for my friends would be for them to find a healthy, life-giving and wholesome connection to the Body of Christ.

If you, or someone you know, has experienced deep hurt in the church, I would like to offer a couple of pointers to help the restoration and recovery process move through the pain to a stronger, healthier, more fruitful place.

* Look at your own contribution to the hurt you have experienced

It is likely that you made at least some contribution to the wounding you have experienced. Personal immaturity, carryover from family issues, personal agendas for recognition, leftover pain from previous church hurts, idealistic expectations, unscriptural notions of church life and other factors may have set you up for the hurt you have known. Debriefing your church hurts with a trusted friend or counselor can help you to uncover some of these "setups". You probably won't see them on your own.

There was a time in my life when my own craving for affirmation and recognition made me blind to the serious brokenness of the leader I was following at the time (he was our church's founding pastor). When his downfall came, I was shocked and scandalized. Looking back, I can see that there were plenty of signs that he was nurturing unhealthy attitudes and behaviors. I had ignored them, however, for my own reasons. While his contribution to my pain was plain enough, I have to also admit that I had set myself up to be hurt. Recognizing our "setups" can help us grow from the painful experiences we undergo.

* Separate church hurt from God hurt.

"If you've been burned, here's what I've learned - the Lord's not the One to blame". These lyrics from CCM pioneer Keith Green point out the fact that we can sometimes confuse the church with the kingdom of God or even God Himself. However, the church is NOT the kingdom and the kingdom is NOT the church. And neither God's kingdom nor His church are Him. Separating these entities is more important than we might think.

God is the Master of the Universe and the Savior of our souls. He is the Perfect Lord of Life and the Head of the Church which stands apart from Him as His bride. Although blessed beyond measure with God's gifts, His graces, and His promises, the church is nevertheless a human institution. It does not exist as the Kingdom of God, but as the stewards of His kingdom. Therefore there will always be failures, shortcomings and even outright abuses within the context of church life (the New Testament epistles are filled with examples and warnings). This is because of the human factor.

I have often said that the greatest people I have every known, the ones who mean the most to me and who inspire me most are Christians. But it is also true that the people who have most hurt, disappointed and offended me are also Christians - church people! This is a sometimes confusing paradox.

I have most profoundly experienced the reality of God's kingdom - His rule, His reign and His manifested presence in His people - in the context of the church. But I have also experienced some of my deepest heartaches in the context of the church as well. It helps to be honest about these things!

It also helps to note that the sense of God's power and presence in a given church or church system is not necessarily God's wholesale endorsement of that church, leader, or church system. Nor can the power and presence of God be assumed to be a divine endorsement of the various methods, doctrines or church organization as such. Recognizing these things can help us avoid our tendency to confuse "church hurt" with "God hurt". .

* Keep it real.

Some of our church hurts are fueled by the more unfortunate aspects of the typical church subculture. For example, a church's efforts to be highly attractive to newcomers can sometimes result in a tendency to emphasize "window dressing" while avoiding or sugarcoating the nitty-gritty issues or needs that lie unaddressed behind the scenes.

A "powerhouse" church culture may wind up ignoring or devaluing some of the more mundane factors which will ultimately determine the emotional and spiritual health of both leaders and congregation. "Touchy-feely" churches, legalistic churches, personality-driven churches and other types of faith communities have their down sides. One way to minimize the downsides of each system is to strive to "keep it real" as believers.

I admire author Larry Crabbe's vision for the church as a "real" environment where tough issues can be worked out in an engaging atmosphere of grace and truth. He writes that "a central task of community is to create a place that is safe enough for the walls to be torn down, safe enough for each of us to own and reveal our brokenness. Only then can the power of connecting do it job. Only then can community be used of God to restore our souls." (Larry Crabbe, The Safest Place on Earth).

Bottom line: The more that a church can be both Spirit-filled and "real", the less it is likely to have painful booby-traps.
* * * * * * * *
One more installment in this series will be posted soon.

If Hurt by the Church, part one

2010-06-28T17:50:00.000-07:00

This is the first part of a series published in my weekly newsletter Gracelets. If you wish to subscribe to the newsletter, simply email me at bill@mypastoralcounselor.com

If the Church Hurt You,
Let the Church Heal You (Part One)

By William T "Bill" Faris, MPC"

"I finally figured out what is wrong with the church," I once heard a Bible teacher say. "It's people. If it wasn't for people, the church would be perfect". .

Welcome to the (Dysfunctional) Family

The Bible makes it clear that the church is the family of God. The language of family abounds in Scripture. Fellow believers are referred to as "brothers" and "sisters" which, together, make up "the household of faith". This is one thing that I have always loved about being a believer. Over a lifetime, I have truly found "family" in the Body of Christ.

Like other households in human society, however, a given church will include its own unique set of social dysfunctions. Some of these quirks show up in ways that are rather humorous. Other times we find ourselves face-to-face with the fact that some of our brothers and sisters are capable of delivering some very deep wounds.

Some Categories of Church Hurt

Some church wounds are social in nature. We can feel shunned, bullied, misunderstood, ignored, or manipulated by our family members at various times. This is not always intentional, but that doesn't mean it is not painful.

Other church wounds are more intimate. These include the betrayal of trust, abandonment, false accusation, and the violation of personal and even sexual boundaries.

Some of the deepest wounds have to do with the brokenness of church leadership. Because we tend to place very high expectations on leaders, it is not uncommon for us to feel let down by them. But when leaders manipulate their followers, take advantage of their weaknesses, "fleece" the flock financially, fall morally, or otherwise violate the faith placed in them; very high levels of pain, grief and anger result.

Often enough, church members take sides in a leadership crisis and the resulting division of loyalties can end long friendships, split congregations and sidetrack - or even totally undermine -- the faith of weaker believers. "If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other" (Galatians 5:15).

Church Treacherous?

As a veteran of church family life and a church leader, I have both dished out and received my fair share of pain, dysfunction, mistakes, wounds and bruises. Nevertheless, I remain as committed as ever to the Body of Christ and continue to believe it to be one of the potentially richest environments for transformation, wholeness, healthy socialization, service, justice, truth and maturity on earth. Why? Because I have learned that - inasmuch as the church can hurt you - the church can heal you, too.

Of Prisons and Escapes

2010-06-17T03:17:00.000-07:00

The link to the website profiles 10 remarkable escapes from various prisons throughout the world, including the only successful flight from Alcatraz and the only successful escape from a prison camp during the Vietnam war.

http://www.oddee.com/item_96931.aspx

One man escaped from his confines by helicopter - on three different occasions!

One famous criminal (recently portrayed by Johnny Depp) used a fake gun made out of soap to bluff his way out of his captivity.

The common thread in all these stories was the unwillingness of the various prisoners to accept their confinement. What kind of imagination did it take for these men to overcome the seemingly impossible barriers of walls, barbed wire, armed guards, harsh conditions and chains in order to be free again? To be sure, these escapees may not have been the biggest, strongest, best educated or most experienced prisoners in their place of incarceration. But they did share the common conviction that it is better to be free than it is to remain otherwise and were willing to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Are you in a prison today? Is it a prison of debt? Depression? Reversal? Sickness? Spiritual crisis? Rejection? Inferiority? Fear or despair? Have you accepted your confinement as irreversible? These men did not. They took the risks that were required in order to find their freedom. Are you willing to do the same?

The mission statement of Jesus, as quoted in Luke chapter 4 (From the prophecy of Isaiah) includes the words: "...He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners". Will we choose the familiarity of our prison bonds or will we allow our sanctified imaginations to devise escape plans that will loosen us to become all that God has imagined for us to be from before the foundations of the world (Ephesians 1: 4, 5) thanks to our adoption as His son or daughter.

Illusionist and escape artist Harry Houdini is famous for claiming that "no prison can hold me, no hand or leg irons or steel locks can shackle me. No ropes or chains can keep me from my freedom". I wonder: have you gotten in touch with your inner Houdini?

Bye, Bye T-Bird

2010-06-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

"Down the road in the rain and snow
The man and his machine would go
Oh the secrets that old car would know
Sometimes I hear him sayin'...
Don't gimme no Buick
Son you must take my word
If there's a God in heaven
He's got a [...Silver...] Thunderbird
You can keep your Eldorados
And the foreign car's absurd
Me I wanna go down
In a [...Silver...] Thunderbird

Marc Cohn - "Silver Thunderbird" (thanks, Janiece Hudgins!)

Well, my 'bird wasn't silver. It was gloriously red and white. Still looked great in her paint after 10 years of time spent with the Faris Family (minus a small chip here or there).

Said goodbye to the T-bird today, heading from L.A. to Chicago. The new owner promises he will treat her well and attend to the growing list of things that need some attention. At fifty years old, who doesn't have such a list?

Parting with the 'Bird made me sob. Privately. Gushing out 10 years of memories.

Our Chris's wedding. Chris William's wedding. Johathan Knaup's wedding. Amy (Knaup) Noble's wedding. Andrew driving it to Saint Margarets. Me picking up Andrew, JeanneAnn and Matthew at Saint Margarets. Picking up Robin from the Hospital for her first ride home in nearly three months. Taking Robin to physical therapy. Taking JeanneAnn to the coast for a milkshake at Ruby's right on the bluff. Steve Lendzion and I driving her home to Orange County from Sacramento (where I bought her) - through the Central Valley, up the Grapevine (overheating, but not quitting) and on home even though the generator bearing went out in Costa Mesa.

Thumbs up. People walking up and having their friend take their picture standing next to my car. T-Bird shows. Awards. Repairs. Lots of them. Cruising to Silverado Canyon, cruising to San Clemente, cruising with my sister-in-law's relatives from England. Cruising through Live Oak Canyon - right past Cook's Corner - and turning Harley owner's heads. Cruising to Laguna. Cruising to Fuddrucker's with Tony and Patty Sweet to display her at the casual car show there. Cruising with my neighbor, John, (and his sweet red '63 Sports Roadster - T-Bird twins on the California roads)! Showing her at the little car show we had at Crown Valley Vineyard one year.

Memories? I got a boatload...

So, goodbye, T-bird. You made me smile. You made me cry. Isn't that just like a woman?

Organizing Your Interior World Around Christ

2010-06-01T06:14:00.000-07:00

"For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him" (Col. 1: 16).

Organizing our lives, beginning with our interior world, around our anxieties is our natural "go to" - our default mode. Doing so leads to a life of resistance, avoidance and fear-based functioning. Organizing our lives around Jesus Christ as our Center gives us a very different interior state - a very different starting place from which to approach the challenges and opportunities we face. "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit" (Romans 14: 17).

I have experienced this difference and yet I find that it still requires significant mental and spiritual discipline on my part to remain organized around Christ inside. When I am frightened by disturbing future projections or bogged down in past regrets, I can be thrown off a Christ-centered orientation and put some fear, regret, anxiety or depressing rumination on the throne. It's not that Jesus is absent from my interior world. I can still worship, pray, acknowledge Him in one hundred different ways, but He is no longer ruling within, that is, I am not organizing myself around Him. It makes me sad sometimes to see how quickly I revert.

The good news is that God has given us the gifts of prayer, worship, humility, reflection, His Word, natural beauty, and other tools of mental and spiritual discipline to help us refocus our center around Jesus. When we employ these things, we have fresh revelation of the excellence of Jesus and we also see more clearly our error in organizing around our anxious thoughts and feelings and basing our projected future and present assessment of ourselves on that point-of-view. Exalting Jesus with as the Center and organizing our state of mind, our future projections and our past perceptions around Him as Lord properly orients us to a future that can't help but extend the Kingdom of God within and without.

As the title of a book I once owned puts it: "He is the still point in the turning world".

Are You Organizing Around Your Anxieties?

2010-05-18T02:53:00.001-07:00

Job One: do not organize yourself around your anxieties.

It is a deathly habit that will chain you to futility, limitation, doubts and depletion. Like a black hole in outer space, anxiety will pull you into its bottomless gravity until you altogether disappear. It may be tempting to think of avoiding your fears as real work, but don't take that bait. Remember that churning with anxiety - anxiously mulling things over in your mind - does not actually improve anything. It is not progress. It is not problem-solving. For all the time and energy you give to it, it gives you nothing you can use in return.

You have another choice: you can organize yourself around the Almighty God.

Rest assured that the gravitational pull of grace is more powerful than the gravitational pull of anxiety. And from where does this grace gravity emanate? From God Himself.

"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you". In that biblical call we find an alternative to living in reactive response to our anxieties, fears, and imaginations of catastrophe. God's call is for us to organize ourselves around Him. Doing so is the primal, foundational act of faith.

Once settled into that all-important divine alignment, we still will have our challenges to face, decisions to make, and threats to manage. When anxiety was at the center, we found ourselves drifting either into total paralysis or staccato bursts of emotional thrashing. With Christ at the center we can see clearly, think clearly, assess resources and options clearly. "In this world you will have tribulation," Jesus said, "but be of good cheer: I have overcome the world."

Next time, Part Two of this discussion...

Dave Nixon on House Church, Part Two

2010-05-15T07:11:00.000-07:00

This continues the conversation Dave and I had while serving together on a pastoral retreat care team in Idaho in April.

Bill: What expectations does Vineyard Central place on people who attend the various house churches? Can you just come out and “hang with the family” indefinitely?

Dave: Our expectation is that everybody will have a role. You can’t just show up week after week as a non-participant. We want to help everyone get to the place where they are able to identify what their role will be to everyone else in the group. Each group helps to name and identify the gifts they see in people and call them to deploy them. By four months in, most people should know their role pretty clearly.

For example, at our house church my Mom – prepares and serves communion and my Dad is the treasurer. He stewards the funds we collect, processes everything through our central system and returns our checks back to house church. (Note: Half of the funds collected from a given house church as contributions are returned to the house church so they can be utilized missionally).

Bill: What are some of the other roles people might take in a house church?

Dave: There are musicians, an apprentice leader, another apprentice leader, outreach coordinator and so on. Everyone can do something.

Bill: Sounds like this depends on the ability to “know and be known” which must be a key value to your community over and above mere attendance.

Dave: For us it matters that we become a transparent community that has conversations of consequence. We don’t dance around the bush. We have a check-in time. “What’s going on, how is God moving in your life”. When I see transparency, I affirm and point-it-out. We want more of it.

Bill: What would a typical schedule look like at “Hearth” (name of the house church Dave leads)?

Dave: Typically, we meet from about 6:00 to 8:00 or 8:15 at the Speckled Bird Café. Some of our other house churches do a full blown dinner. Ours doesn’t yet. However, we do invite people to show up thirty minutes early and “brown bag” it before the official start. There is a check in time and then a time of worship in song. For our Biblical instruction, we have taught our people the technique of Lexio Divina as a way of helping them to strategically listen to the gospel.
In the four months we’ve been together we have gone through James, Colossians and Ephesians – one chapter per night. We help them to prepare for an encounter with God and His Word. Be still. Slow down your breathing. Listen for God’s voice. What lingers after you read the passage? What stirs in you? What stands out? What do you want to tell me?

Then, we’ll ask: “Does anyone have anything to share after sitting with this passage?”

In addition, we’ll add a 10 – 15 minute teaching every other week. These are vignettes on particular topics that are led by me or by others.

Of course, there is always a time to pray together. We’ll break up into groups and pray for one another. Often, our opening check in time will drive some of this.

To be continued…

Dave Nixon on House Church, Part One

2010-05-03T06:43:00.000-07:00

“I’ve got to meet these people!” I said to myself after reading the old issue of the Cutting Edge Magazine online.

The theme of that particular issue of the Vineyard’s publication for church planters was “Out of the Box Churches”. The issue featured the church led by Dave Nixon and Kevin Raines and their team in Norwood (Cincinnati), Ohio. I was intrigued, to say the least!

Vineyard Central, the name of the church, was begun as a traditional church plant but quickly shifted to a house church network after the fire department condemned the space they were using for Sunday worship services. Now, many years later, the Vineyard Central community continues as a house church network – and more. Their very useful website is at: www.vineyardcentral.com.

You can imagine how excited I was to find that I would be spending 10 days with Dave Nixon as a partner in the Vineyard Pastoral Sabbath Retreat care team this month in Idaho. While there, we managed to carve out some time together to swap some favorite music (I turned him on to Fleet Foxes and he introduced me to recordings of his daughter, Kim, a wonderful singer/songwriter!). We also talked about house church – him being the veteran, and me being the starry-eyed beginner. Here are some excerpts from our discussion:

Bill: What is the current status of house churches at Vineyard Central?

Dave: When I resigned from leading the ministry in 2000 (to take on some other roles within the community), we had ten robust house churches. After eight years, we shrank back to three. Six are being reestablished. House churches live or die by their leadership. Without really good ongoing training and mentoring, they will not sustain. Leaders need to define the culture of the churches. This is critical.

Bill: How and when does everyone come together at once?

Dave: We have tried different rhythms, but currently we meet once a month (Vineyard Central owns St. Elizabeth’s, a historic former Catholic church structure in their neighborhood). Most people – 60% - will come to the monthly festival. We hope to see that number rise. These gatherings are called “festivals” and loosely correspond to the Christian calendar (Epiphany, Lent, Easter, Pentecost, etc). Each month has a theme such as community, hospitality, neighborhood, and so on.

Bill: How important is it for the house church groups to know their purpose?

Dave: We expect each house church to be the church in all aspects and not just a Bible study or “kinship” group. We ask them to spell out and make explicit the purpose of their group. We are called together to worship, express the values of Christ’s new community – mutual care – and we are emphasizing the missional aspect of each group more. I have told the leaders of the groups: “If you cannot establish a mission as a home church, it questions the validity of its being”.

As a house church (their particular HC is called "Hearth"), we are committed to exploring, identifying, birthing and supporting expressions of hospitality in West Norwood. We might get behind something we didn’t start if it expresses the heart of the Kingdom of God.

TO BE CONTINUED...

The Flavors of Forgiveness

2010-04-24T22:34:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness, at first glance, may appear to be a one-size-fits all proposition. But I don't believe it is. In essence, For me, it helps to identify three types or "flavors" of forgiveness. All of these come down a considered decision to release a debtor from their debt or an offender from their offense. And yet, all three have unique features as well.

The Flavor of Generosity:

Generosity is "garden variety" forgiveness. I believe the scripture calls us to live a characteristically generous lifestyle of forgiveness towards those who have offended us without malice. If our "brother" (not enemy) sins against us 70 times 7 in a day - we are to generously forgive them. The scriptures lead us to this posture of generosity by reminding us of how we ourselves are regularly and repeatedly forgiven by our generous God. In light of our receiving so much generous kindness, we can afford to be generous in our forgiveness of those who do not seek us harm. "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13).

The Flavor of Obedient Forgiveness

This type of forgiveness may be offered to friend OR foe. Someone may have intentionally or unintentionally done us some harm or disservice. We are called to offer them forgiveness because God simply commands us to do so. It is not as much a matter of generosity as it is of obedience to God's expressed will. Therefore, I forgive because I am commanded to do so - not because I "feel like it" or have sympathy for the offender or from any other core motive that originates with some sort of personal cost/benefit analysis. I choose to let the offense go and release the offender to God because I am told I must. Emotional reverberations will go up and down in the aftermath, but the forgiveness I am offering does not proceed from a feeling or an emotion. Rather, it is a decision and it results in appropriate actions.

The Flavor of Radical Forgiveness

There is a flavor of what we might call "aggressive" forgiveness. We see it in the Apostle Paul's admonition to not be overcome by evil but to "overcome evil with good". Radical, aggressive forgiveness opens room for God's justice as well as His mercy. Instead of giving us permission to take vengeance or to understandably dish out evil in return for the evil we have suffered, it offers our coat to the man who has just taken our cloak as a way of getting in God's "last word" on the subject or the incident. It does not bend to the pull of expressed darkness. Instead, it shines the brighter light -- one that points directly to God as both its source and its destination. "Father, forgive (the men who humiliate, torture and destroy me), for they do not know what they are doing". Think of Paul and Barnabas with the Philippian jailor. Think of Corrie ten Boom and the Nazis. Think of Immaculee' Ilibagiza and the fellow Rwandans who murdered her family and who would also have murdered her. Radical forgiveness is fueled by the inextinguishable flame of goodness, mercy and strength that burns in the heart of God.

Discerning different kinds of forgiveness enables us to better handle the implications of the different kinds of offenses we experience. It also better equips us to make decisions in regards to how we will treat those who have harmed or offended us. So whether from a posture of generosity, obedience or even spiritual warfare, forgiveness offered through the grace of Christ always gives God the last word in a matter and glorifies Him as the source of boundless mercy and saving grace.

My Not-So-Private Idaho

2010-04-23T06:18:00.000-07:00

Back from the rugged beauty of Idaho. Spent ten days in the center of the State, just outside of Challis (two hours drive from the Idaho Falls airport, if that helps you locate it in your mind, and it probably won't).

Snow capped mountains. Gurgling creek. Rocky escarpment close by, panoramic vistas from the higher places or the larger valleys. Mostly perfect weather with a touch of snow, rain, low slung clouds - but wait - here comes more sun with high clouds floating by on a soft breeze. Mmmmm...

Don't think I've really been back to Idaho since my adolescence when I went two years to Sun Valley to train at ice skating camp. Yes, I tried my hand at figure skating, thanks to an influential Phoenix neighbor. He went on to Ice Capades. I gave up by age 14. Still, I have skating to thank for some of my favorite memories of that era as Idaho was a world away from the arid summers in the Arizona desert.

This trip to Challis was to join a team of care providers for the twelfth Vineyard-sponsored "Pastors Sabbath Retreat". The idea is to bring together a limited number of pastoral couples for some deep care, refocusing, refreshment and personal ministry of several kinds in order to strengthen their grip on God, each other, their ongoing well-being, and their higher callings. It was a five-star delight to be a part of the team that provided everything from healing prayer, personal counseling, fun, worship, excellent teaching, an invitation into several kinds of spiritual disciplines and more. The retreat leader mentioned that he took a look at what eight other denominations were doing to provide care of this kind to their pastors. The answer: "not much". Seeing the value this kind of experience delivers to pastors first hand, I felt both privileged to be a part of the care team and a little sad for those in ministry who have never had (or taken) the opportunity to sabbath and invest in their own hearts, lives, marriages and well-being.

Coming back, I feel the satisfaction of having made my contribution as a team member and the blessing of sensing my own skills in providing care go up a couple notches. For example, over the course of the time I was there I taught a session on forgiveness, provided pastoral counseling for individuals and couples, led a couple private deep healing prayer sessions, helped with a hundred little tasks, and generally focused on helping the participants feel very loved and cared for. Doing these things in a place of exceptional beauty and peacefulness was, well, a slice of heaven.

Now, back in the OC buzz, I pray that something of the Kingdom of God that was so beautifully in evidence in Challis will come within me here. Thanks, God. Thanks, Vineyard. Thanks, Idaho...

Money, Miracles and a Man Named Marjoe

2010-04-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

An Actual photo of Marjoe, Child Preacher

In 1971, Marjoe Gortner, the child-preacher now turned man, had had enough -- not just of the Pentecostal preaching circuit that he had learned how to "work" since he was four years old, but of himself as a skilled religious fraud. So, in an odd twist, instead of slinking away quietly into the night, Marjoe decided to tell on himself in living color. The result is "Marjoe", a documentary film that you can now find posted in ten parts for free on Youtube. And let me say -- having just watched through the whole thing -- it's worth the price! (Couldn't resist. Actually it's worth a great deal more).

Several themes pervade the Marjoe story. All of them are troubling, but all have a payoff to them, too. But the most predominant theme of all is exploitation.

As a child, Marjoe (name is a combo of "Mary" and "Joseph") is himself exploited by his preacher parents. The opening film clips of the child Marjoe gesticulating as he delivers a well-rehearsed rock 'em-sock 'em sermon are both dazzling and disturbing. According to the grown up Marjoe, he was endlessly coached by his mother who bullied him to the point of abuse -- cleverly using pillows and water so as not to leave marks or bruises on the miniature evangelist in the making. Her considerable investment pays off with notoriety, invitations, and financial reward. That's right: the church, smelling the power to attract a crowd with novelty, takes little Marjoe at face value and exploits him in their own sort of way. "Come and see." "Come and hear" -- and don't forget to bring your wallet!

For a long time, everyone was benefiting from this charade, it seems, except Marjoe. At one point in the film, the grown up Marjoe estimates that $3 million passed through the family over the course of his childhood and early youth though he claims not to have a penny to show for it (one wonders about the accuracy of these figures, but the point stands nonetheless). Watching all this, I found myself wishing for more insight into how the grown up Marjoe - 28 years old at the time of the filming -- felt about his parents now that he was an adult. Unfortunately, the filmmakers offer little to go on here.

However, a revealing scene at a tent revival does stand out. In it, Marjoe is introduced by his father who smoothly offers the mythology of his son's childhood call from God as a tee-up for Marjoe to take the microphone and deliver his message.

Just prior to this introduction, the cameras were trained on Marjoe and his Dad seated next to one another on the platform while music was playing. Marjoe looked uncomfortable and there was no warmth or connection between them. However, once his Dad is given the microphone and begins to spin his tale, Marjoe comes alive - clapping and smiling as the old, old story gets trotted out again. Later, during an interview portion of the film, Marjoe confesses that, despite their history together, his Dad remained a stranger to him -- someone with whom he was unable to have a significant conversation. Ah, the wages of sin...

Marjoe makes no bones about taking the viewer by the hand and leading them into the wacky world of this particular Christian subculture. Along the way, he explains to the film crew -- and to us by extension -- what they will encounter. This is the most discordant portion of the documentary -- the part you can feel his split the most for we know darn well that, like Superman, he will change costumes and disappear into his evangelist alter-ego without missing a beat. Here then, Marjoe the exploited becomes Marjoe the exploiter of others and there's no mistaking his skills at doing so. It is truly stomach turning to watch him do his thing knowing all along that he is little more than a performer in a role of his own invention. Meanwhile, the people come as they are - to Jesus, and to Marjoe the Faker - never knowing the difference.

At one point Marjoe tells the camera that, despite his internal conflicts, it has been too hard to just walk away from the craft he has spent a lifetime perfecting -- the craft, that is, of delivering a pretty good religious show, whipping the folks up into a tongue-speaking, swooning, jerking frenzy "in the NAAAMMMEEE of JEEEEZZZUUSSS!", and collecting the cash before everyone heads home from the "revival".

You might think with all this unsavoriness, that Marjoe, the pastors who host him and the folks who come on out to hear this so-called Man of God all come off as unsympathetic baboons. But one has no reason to doubt the sincerity of the faithful even if they too are players who deliver on cue just as reliably as do the preachers. The Academy Award this documentary won in 1971 should not just go to Marjoe and the filmmakers, but to the people in the meetings. Let's face it: without them, there would be nothing for Marjoe the Magician to play off of and, therefore, no story to tell.

The most uncomfortable thing for me as I watched the "Marjoe" movie was my personal familiarity with so much of what I saw on the screen. I know those testimonies. I know those turns-of-a-phrase ("He was hung up for my hang ups", etc.). I know many of the songs and sounds, the babbling of tongue-speakers (I myself am one) and the ecstasy of those who go down in a swoon "under the power of God".

The thing that makes Marjoe's counterfeiting so compelling and revolting at the same time is that I have seen both the "real thing" and religious manipulation up close and personal. I wonder, for example, what interest Marjoe would have had in going with our small team to China where were sneaked in to meetings of underground believers who came at great personal risk so as to receive our teaching and ministry. We paid our way. We gave ourselves without qualification or financial reward hour after hour to people who couldn't get enough of anything we had to offer them. Marjoe's sideshow may have looked somewhat like these meetings in some ways but I can assure you he has no clue of what it is to gladly spend yourself on others for the sake of God's Kingdom and that is too, too bad.

In the end, the Marjoe movie both offends and enlightens. It is a technicolor warning about fraud as well as an unforgettable window into a particular strand of religious hocus-pocus. However, it is also a reminder that the human heart fervently cries for that which is transcendent, empowering and spiritually alive and, therefore, will sometimes partake of whatever promises to deliver.

And what happened to Marjoe after this movie was made all those years ago? Well, it seems that he succeeded in making his break from his life as a B-grade evangelist only to become a bit actor in B-grade movies and whatever else he could find to do. It also seems that he has been behind some successful celebrity golf tournament fundraisers of some sort that appear to have raised funds for worthy charity causes. If that's so, then, well, "Praise the Lord!"

"Failure of Nerve", Take One

2010-04-06T07:18:00.000-07:00

My pastor friend, Steve Wright, turned me on to "Failure of Nerve - Leadership in the Age of the Quick Fix" by Edwin Friedman and I must say that it has been a long time since I have come across reading that seemed this essential. Mind you, I am not terribly far into the thing, but already it is opening up a powerful new set of insights into leadership, relationships, imagination and, yes, "nerve". I knew I was on to something when I had been reading and underlining things for at least an hour only to realize I was still in the Introduction!

Here is a quote from the book that will give you a bit of a window into the late author's thinking when he defines an ideal leader as:

"someone who has clarity about his or her life goals, and, therefore, someone who is less likely to become lost in the anxious emotional processes swirling about. I mean someone who can be separate while still remaining connected, and therefore can maintain a modifying, non-anxious, and sometimes challenging presence. I mean someone who can manage his or her own reactivity to the automatic reactivity of others, and therefore be able to take stands at the risk of displeasing."

If this sounds like our current President (someone who can "take stands at the risk of displeasing"), don't get the wrong idea. Friedman's leader does not lead people boldly into dependency and dis-empowerment(like our current President seems to be bent on doing), but into imaginative new ways of seeing challenges, solving problems and grappling with reality.

One novel way Friedman illustrates his point-of-view is by recounting the explorations of the spate of European explorers and map makers including Columbus, Drake, Vespucci, Cabot, Magellan and others. I must say that I never could have imagined there was so much to be learned about the human condition by placing these various journeys and personalities into the context of their times, but when you do so -- wow, so much to be learned!

Friedman wants us to see that the obstacles and limitations of their day were not only physical and geographical, but psychological and emotional. After all, the widely accepted notion that the world ended at the Equator could not be challenged by satellite photos or Google Earth. The various and sundry attempts to properly describe what REALLY lay "out there" required raw courage and conviction that often required the explorers to disregard prevailing views of reality.

The roles of anxiety, resistance and even sabotage (hint: Friedman says sabotage is a normative factor that the best leaders learn how to recognize and factor into their decision-making) are also explored by the author. There is so much in "Failure of Nerve" that I know I will be re-reading it many times over.

As a follower of Christ and a leader of others, Friedman's work causes me to appreciate the life of Jesus and His profound wisdom, influence and steady focus all the more. The brave, bold, centered and unyielding commitment of the Son of God pop out against the background of Friedman's points about leaders and leadership (he was, by the way, a Rabbi - among other things). I can't recommend this book enough and will be sharing more as I go.

Lonnie Frisbee Film Maker Interviewed

2010-04-05T14:00:00.001-07:00

I just found this very good interview with Dave DiSabatino about the time he was first releasing his documentary on Lonnie Frisbee (see www.lonniefrisbee.com). If you are interested in the subject, I suggest taking a few minutes to read through it. He has since made a documentary on Larry Norman that I have not yet seen.

http://filmchatblog.blogspot.com/2005/04/frisbee-interview-its-up.html

I also found some stuff online about Chris Brain and the phenomenon of the "9 o'clock Service" in Sheffield, England that definitely broke new missional ground in the 1980's. Robin and I were there ministering with John Wimber's team right when the NOS was just ramping up and I remember meeting Chris who, like Lonnie, had a way of drawing young people but who also (apparently) had personal problems that would undermine his long-term influence.

Set Your Pastor Free

2010-04-02T18:00:00.000-07:00

So, here's an idea... Let's start a movement in the churches across America. We'll call it "Set Your Pastor Free". Here's how to start -

If you are any kind of an active member of your church, get some other folks from the congregation together and schedule a visit with your pastor. Now, be aware of this going in: he's going to be on guard. Groups of people from the church don't make appointments with their pastor unless they're going to dress him down, set him straight or otherwise add to his anxiety.

Nevertheless, once you sit down with him, smile very nicely and say: "Pastor, you have been leading our congregation heartily for some time now. You put a lot of effort into building us up, teaching us, caring for us and praying for us and we know that, given all that energy, we should be pretty strong and equipped by now. So take the week off, pastor. "Heck" (and make sure and say "heck" and not the other word...), "take the month off. Take your spouse on a vacation. Do some good reading. Go for a swim, play golf, hang out with some of your heroes -- whatever you want. We'll run the church while you're away..."

Now, at this point your Pastor is going to be:

a. Suspicious of your real agenda
b. In tears
c. Laughing
d. Speechless (and looking a little confused)
e. All of the above

One thing is for sure: You definitely have his or her attention by now. So, continue as follows:

"We're serious pastor. We've decided to set you free. Don't worry about your paycheck or much of anything else. We're ready to start acting on all the stuff you've been telling us for years about being the Body of Christ, gifted for ministry, and all that. So, we'll preach. We'll teach. We'll start spending more time and resources on really connecting with the community and exalting Christ in worship and devotion. And, if anyone calls for you, we'll just tell them that you're "away from your desk" for awhile and take a message."

"Seriously, pastor -- we're ready to do the ministry you've been training us for in your sermons, counseling, prayers and care. We're ready to be mature and actually take on the lion's share of the church. So, go ahead, relax. Read a magazine. Go to a movie. We'll call you if we need anything."

Are you and the people from your church ready to set that appointment right after Easter? If so, bring smelling salts. You're likely to need them.

I dare you.

The Building Question

2010-03-29T06:17:00.000-07:00

We're having quite a romp over at the blog my son, Andrew, writes for:

http://www.christiansincontext.org/2010/03/close-your-church-for-sake-of-gods.html

It began when Norm, one their contributors, saw my post about the Georgia church that has chosen to sell their dedicated church building, meet in a local theater and use the money to advance God's kingdom in their community and beyond. Norm was struck by this and did his own post about it. Before long, a member of the church in question jumped in to the discussion (isn't the internet age amazing?) and the ensuing exchange has been wonderful, stimulating and edifying. Check it out!

Breaking News: Adultery is Everywhere!

2010-03-26T06:46:00.001-07:00

Turn on the radio - there it is. Flip on the tube: another breaking story! Surf the net - there it is again! Pick up the paper: front page item! And, down at the movie theater, it's all over the big screen. Yep: adultery is making a comeback!

Okay, it's not like it hasn't been around since forever, but - let's face it - these days adultery is a hot topic. You've got your Sandra Bullock and Jesse James, your Tiger and Elin Woods, your John and Elizabeth Edwards, your Mark and Jenny Sanford, your Ted and Gayle Haggard and a whole host of other public figures stepping up to the podium to acknowledge their sins and search for redemption -- often with their spouse quietly and uncomfortably at their side.

Adultery is most certainly bad for marriage, but it has been great for the National Enquirer, the Lifetime Channel, TMZ and Gloria Allred. That's 'cause (as they say in showbiz) adultery has "sizzle". It's about betrayal. It's about secrecy and discovery. It's about humiliation and human weakness. Anyone up for an episode of "Cheaters"?

Of course, it's hard for us plain folks to resist the weirdly reassuring evidence that all that money, fame, glamor, power and plastic surgery cannot save celebrity high-flyers from the ravages of unfaithfulness. Maybe, we conclude, they're not so different from the rest of us after all. Instead of protecting people from the human condition, maybe all those perks amplify the weaknesses that are already there. Maybe, no matter who we are, we need to work on sculpting our character at least as hard as we work on sculpting our abs.

Even though today's cavalcade of high-profile adultery is hard to avoid, I am starting to find it tiresome. I really appreciate those couples that either never stray at all or, if a breach has appeared in their marriage, repairs are made quietly and thoroughly thanks to God's healing grace, a ready supply of high-octane forgiveness and the courage to trust again.

So, here is my video tribute, a la Leonard Cohen, to those that find a way to dance one another to the end of love in an era of ever changing partners!

Obama's After Vote Remarks - With Snarky Comments by Me

2010-03-22T21:40:00.000-07:00

Excerpts, followed by my observations:

"Tonight, at a time when the pundits said it was no longer possible, we rose above the weight of our politics". (is that what "we" did, Mr. President? Cause it looked a lot more to me like the "weight of our politics" is what was driving this thing from A to Z)

"We didn't give in to mistrust or to cynicism or to fear" (or to the will of the American people who really don't want this mess forced on them).

"We proved that this government - a government of the people and by the people - still works for the people". (or, er, the political ruling class...whatever).

"And I know this wasn't an easy vote for a lot of people. But it was the right vote." (why wasn't it "easy" if it was so good, so well-crafted and so timely? Hmmmm???)

(What follows is a festival of adjectives:)

"I want to thank Speaker Nancy Pelosi for her EXTRAORDINARY leadership, and Majority Leader Steny Hoyer and Majority Whip Jim Clyburn for their COMMITMENT to getting the job done.

I want to thank my OUTSTANDING Vice President, Joe Biden, and my WONDERFUL Secretary of Health and Human Services, Kathleen Sebelius, for their FANTASTIC work on this issue.

I want to thank the many staffers in Congress, and my own INCREDIBLE staff in the White House, who have worked TIRELESSLY over the past year with Americans of all walks of life to forge a reform package finally worthy of the people we were sent here to serve." (This is one extraordinary, committed, outstanding, wonderful, fantastic, incredible and tireless bunch of political opportunists!)

"To every unsung American who took the time to sit down and write a letter or type out an e-mail hoping your voice would be heard - it has been heard tonight." (provided you already agreed with our totally correct approach to all this to begin with...)

"Most importantly, today's vote answers the prayers of every American who has hoped deeply for something to be done about a healthcare system that works for insurance companies, but not for ordinary people." (Translation = God hates insurance companies almost as much as I, your President, does.)

"For most Americans, this debate has never been about abstractions, the fight between right and left, Republican and Democrat - it's always been about something far more personal." (Really, cause it looked a lot more like a fight between right and left, Republican and Democrat to me which is why all the Republicans were firmly planted in their chairs while you were saying this and the Dems were clapping like wind up toys).

"Tonight's vote is not a victory for any one party - it's a victory for them. It's a victory for the American people. And it's a victory for common sense." (choke, snurf, aaackk, what did he just say?)

"Now, it probably goes without saying that tonight's vote will give rise to a frenzy of instant analysis. There will be tallies of Washington winners and losers, predictions about what it means for Democrats and Republicans, for my poll numbers, for my administration" (Translation = that sucking sound you hear is Democrats being extracted from both houses of congress this November...)

"So this isn't radical reform. But it is major reform" (or major radical reform, or radical major reform or...)

"Now as momentous as this day is, it's not the end of this journey" (not by a long shot, Mr. President, not by a long shot).

"It's time to bring this debate to a close and begin the hard work of implementing this reform properly on behalf of the American people." (Translation = "get in, sit down, shut up, and hold on, losers".)

"When faced with crisis, we did not shrink from our challenge - we overcame it. We did not avoid our responsibility - we embraced it. We did not fear our future - we shaped it". (and we did not respect the limits of our Constitution, we shunned it).

But that's another story...

Church Sells Building, Gives Away Proceeds

2010-03-20T08:41:00.001-07:00

I think we are going to see a lot more of this sort of thing...

A Fayetteville, Georgia Baptist congregation decided to sell their church building, move into a movie theater for their meetings, and use the $1 million dollars they realized from the sale to "help people".

I love how they portray themselves as being "free of the walls".

http://www.11alive.com/news/news_story.aspx?storyid=141948&catid=40

Money Madness - The Politician, Part III

2010-03-17T20:51:00.000-07:00

Finished The Politician (today). When I began it a week or so ago, I expected it to be about Senator John Edwards and his recent fall into the abyss of his own making. And, of course, it was. But what I did not anticipate was the huge role that MONEY was going to play in Mr. Young's compelling narrative.

Like a shadowy character in a tragic three act play, money occupies a constant role in this strange, sordid story. It is the ever-present subtext of the events that surround the Senator, his wife, his mistress, Mr. Young, and all the other politicians, donors, helpers, friends, supporters and cronies that populate their weird little world.

The lunacy of these people's relationship to money unfolds in ever-increasing vividness as the tale gets told. These folks live in money, think in money, and turn to money as the solution to every problem and the means to every end. No wonder the government is printing it by the boat load. It makes their world go 'round.

The Bible asserts that "the love of money is the root of all evil." Again and again this timeless truth is played out in the dizzying series of events depicted in The Politician. At the center of the whirlpool are the rich, the super rich and the mega rich like Bunny Mellon. A widow in her 90's who becomes a True Believer in the Edwards myth, Mrs Mellon sends her private plane to fetch the Senator back to her estate for a personal meeting. We are told that the inside of the plane is decorated with paintings from the National Gallery. It seems that Mrs. Mellon is one of the institution's premier patrons.

Right from the top, Mr. Young, makes it clear that money is one of the key reasons he has even written this book at all. "My critics will say I am writing this book for money", Young observes. "They are partly right. The Edwards scandal has left me practically unemployable..." As he goes on to unpack the increasingly bizarre, deceptive and compromising events of the story he is telling, the Young confesses again and again that his participation in the chaos he helped create was fueled, at least in part, by his own appetite for money. It is stunning to see him talk himself, his wife, his family and a number of others into a wild array of lies, escapades and deceptions in the name of job security. After all, the ever-increasing demands of the lifestyle that came with his "success" required a continuous "whatever it takes" attitude.

At least the author is honest enough to admit his own weaknesses and foibles. But no such honesty seems to reside in John Edwards, his former boss and friend. What we see in him is a man who is so woefully vulnerable to his own self-deceptions that he comes across as a "double-minded man, unstable in all he does" (James 1: 8).

When events finally push Young's family and Rielle Hunter, Edward's pregnant mistress into hiding, the money factor goes to a frantic level. One hotel stay adds up to $18,000 in less than a week. There is another temporary hiding place -- a rented home in Santa Barbara -- that goes for a whopping $20,000 per month. Much of this money is supplied by another of Edward's loyal supporters, Fred Baron, who seems to have an endless supply of it ready to be employed for the Senator's ultimate benefit.

While it is easy to shake one's head while reading these dollar-soaked stories, it is good to remember that both Edwards and Young came from more humble roots. We would do well not to be smug as if we would be beyond such shenanigans until, presented with the same attractions, temptations and opportunities as these men and women are, we prove ourselves to be made of other stuff.

I plan to post a little bit more on this rather fascinating book. But I must say that, having now immersed myself somewhat in this alternative universe, I am quite ready to return to my own.

Taller Structure, Bigger Shadow - The Politician, Part II

2010-03-14T06:37:00.000-07:00

Now 3/4 finished with "The Politician", I am struck by this reality:

even as John Edwards is closing in on a bid for the presidency, even as he is expanding maximum effort to achieve this incredible goal, he is vigorously feeding the beast that will devour him. Why?

Why did John Edwards work so hard on destroying his own hopes at the same time he was doing all he could to realize them? Why do so many of us do the same?

One of the reasons, I am thinking, can be captured in the phrase: "the taller the structure, the bigger the shadow". Yes, this explains at least some of what is going on with the man who would be President - and there is a lesson there for all of us.

The shadow or shadow self is a notion popularized by pioneering Psychologist Carl Jung, who wrote:

"Everyone carries a shadow and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications. But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected."

The shadow consists of the unclaimed parts of ourselves -- the parts of our personality, behaviors, desires, insecurities, sins and vulnerabilities that we cannot bear to own. As a result, we repress them, ignore them, and leave them to grow in silence like the black mold inside a wall. Finally, one day, these unclaimed parts of ourselves begin to attach to the people or things that will eventually make them plain to the world.

It seems that the larger your public image and the greater your opportunity to influence others (the taller the structure), the less likely it is that you will want to face the things that lie in your own shadow. Our refusal to claim these things and subject them to the light sets us up for the empowerment of two versions of ourselves -- each operating independently of the other. When they meet at last, it can be humiliating, explosive and contradictory. But, if coaxed into the light by grace, there can be a tremendous amount of healing, redemption and deep reassurance that we are truly loved "as is".

In the evangelical world, we have a growing number of stories of those who have come to encounter their shadow selves too late -- both King David and Ted Haggard come to mind. And yet, if anything, our faith - if it is truly biblical - should not strengthen the repression and disconnection that empowers our shadow. "If we walk in the light," John writes, "as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus Christ, God's son, cleanses us from all sin". But, in speaking of the shadow in his own way, the Apostle also goes on to warn: "if we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us" (I John 1: 7, 8). And so, it seems, we meet Jesus, one another and even our true selves only when we do so "in the light".

"Edwards should have been more accountable", we might say and, indeed, he should. My observation, however, is that what is sometimes called "accountability" is only another form of repression and self-deceit that does not allow us to truly face the parts of ourselves of which we are ashamed. Accountability (as it is commonly practiced) may be good, but it will not bring wholeness and integration if we only wind up hiding from the light rather than courageously walking in it: "confess your sins (faults) to one another, and pray for each other, that you may be healed", James writes. Indeed.

There is a cautionary tale in the story of John Edwards. Imagine how his life and family, and the lives of many others around him, would be different had he chosen to deal differently with the growing disconnect in his life. But doing so requires some very unique kinds of relationships with God, a few trustworthy friends, and ourselves. Such relationships enable enough humility, vulnerability and honesty that we can claim what lies hidden in our shadow and expose it to the light. Sadly, high flyers risk much in developing such relationships and in keeping them intact while the wheels of achievement spin. But, as Edwards reminds us, they risk far more if they don't.

(Coming soon: More thoughts inspired by "The Politician")

I'm Reading "The Politician"

2010-03-10T06:41:00.000-08:00

I've been intrigued with Senator John Edwards for awhile now (see my earlier post about him). But then I am also intrigued by train wrecks, spontaneous combustion and those movies where a piano falls out of a window on to someone's head. Perhaps that is why I got my own copy of Andrew Young's insider book about John Edwards: "The Politician". It's a behind the scenes view of Edwards' rise and fall as a politician, family man and overall human being.

Frankly, if it was just another story of an ambitious political figure caught in the act, I'd probably pass. Plenty of those to go around. But I am drawn to the Edwards' story because, in a way, he is like me. Not politically, but on a more personal level.

Edwards portrayed himself as a "family values" guy, like me. So far (I'm about 1/2 through the book) Andrew Young portrays him that way, too -- of course, we haven't met Reille Hunter yet. But I note that Edwards married Elizabeth the year after I married Robin and, like us, they had four children.

John Edwards is also a sparkling example of a "successful" boomer. He was born two years before me, played football in high school and graduated college with a law degree. Okay, I don't have a law degree and I never played football, but, in my youth, I thought I might want to grow up to be a lawyer. As a politician, Edwards was fond of pointing out that he came from humble roots before he "made it big".

Like Robin and me, Edwards and his wife have also endured family tragedies and difficulties along the way including the death of their son, Wade, in a freak auto accident. Of course, Robin and I survived her accident, but we understand how your life can radically change in only a moment's time.

And, finally, Edwards is a North Carolina man which makes him a product of that classic Southern culture that also shaped the heart of my own mother, a Greensboro-born graduate of Graham High School in the 1930's. Many of my favorite childhood memories go to my summer-long visits to Edwards' home state of North Carolina. After crossing the country by train with my mother, we would spend weeks there visiting her family and revisiting her roots. It was in rural NC that I first encountered fireflies, chiggers, ticks, and fishing from brim in a mill pond. I also learned the glories of Southern foods like fried okra, pound cake, grits, biscuits and gravy, and vegetables straight from the garden.

But the most intriguing thing to me about John Edwards is that he and I both confess a born-again faith in Christ. His faith was formed in the kind of Southern Baptist environment that formed the witness of another famous Southern political figure: Jimmy Carter. Like Jimmy, Edwards made no secret of his faith while in the public eye. This is one more reason why his story grabs me and compels me. I want to do my own postmortem on the public image of this ambitious political rising star so as to better understand his current descent into chaos and shame and to see if there are any signs of hope for someone who has so thoroughly lost his way.

I should probably confess here that I have never truly admired John Edwards nor did I feel that he was sincere about all that "two America's" stuff (a line, the book says, that came from the mind of David Axelrod). Nevertheless, I can't wait to get to the part about Reille Hunter because it seems to me that she entered his life like a guided missile.

The bottom line: I want to learn about John Edwards because he is human, vulnerable, and full of contradictions and, well, so am I. As I make more progress, I'll share any insights worth noting.

Jonas Brothers at Saddleback Easter Bash

2010-03-04T06:30:00.000-08:00

Hesitated at first, then decided to weigh in on a Facebook thread discussing the Jonas Brothers anticipated performance at the Saddleback Church Easter service at Angel Stadium.

Seems there were a number of folks who objected to the notion of the popular teen idols playing at this event. Some of the comments follow:

"what? for real? what? i'm hoping our church gets britney spears".

"You have got to be kidding me. Did the tickets come with the recent public plea for tithes? I guess Saddleback will do WHATEVER they feel they need to provide something for the masses. What a circus!"

"Whatever happened to the pastor delivering such a memorable message of the reason we celebrate Easter that makes people want to come back to hear more???"

"The motives seem 'off'".

Here is how I responded:

"Could be steppin' in it, but...What is the objection here? Do we know what financial arrangements have been made? Are the guys donating their time or coming at cost? Who knows? For sure, it's risky if it comes off as: "Come for the resurrection, stay for the Jonas Brothers". I get it -- but, if the J Bros offered to play at your church's 30th anniversary/ Easter bash, would you say "no". It's not like I have a personal stake in this (I help lead a house church and we are holding our Easter service on the street!), but I think it might be good to live and let live when it comes to these matters. Just a thought.

Celebrities. Big production worship services. Money. Right and wrong. The motives of high-visibility ministries. Pretty tempting stuff, eh?

Bugged By An Angel

2010-03-02T07:12:00.000-08:00

To my observation, stories of angel visitations have increased quite a bit over the past decade or so. Notable charismatic personalities such as Todd Bently, Bob Jones, Larry Randalph, Patricia King and many others claim to have been personally visited by angels bearing messages from the Lord. In some cases these spirit beings not only deliver spoken messages, but also accomplish other things in the spiritual and physical realms.

You don't have to look very hard before these stories of angel visitations and visions get pretty far out. For example, some of these angels have names such as Emma, Mary, Charlie and Irma (as far as I can tell, Kansas City "Prophet" Bob Jones seems to get visits from more "named" angels than anyone). Others are known by other characteristics, including: Swift, Financial Angels and Healing Revival angels. The infamous Todd Bently even describes one he referred to as: "Hunk of Hunks".

There are even accounts of physical feathers that miraculously appear where angels have supposedly been present. The assumption, I suppose, is that the feathers are shed from the angel's wings. Problem: in the Bible, only the cherubs are mentioned as having wings. These angels appear to be attendant to the throne of God, not buzzing around human beings and molting the occasional feather as they go.

In those instances where the Bible describes human interaction with angels, the angelic messengers are most often mistaken for other humans (albeit, quite remarkable ones!). This is probably why the writer of Hebrews cautions that we may actual have angel interactions of which we are "unaware".

Personally, I'm quite suspicious of the vast majority of today's sensational accounts of angel interactions. Too often, they appear to be little more than spiritual bragging rights for those who can't wait to tell us all about their latest angel encounter. As a believer in the Bible, I am convinced that angels exist and that they, at times, interact with human beings as divine messengers. I'm just not as convinced that any of them are named Irma and suffer from feather dandruff.

Charismatic Boons and Busts, Part II

2010-02-22T06:57:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of the Rocky movies, I now offer part two in a series of Charismatic Boons and Busts. Whether there will be a part III will solely be determined by the amount of money I can make on this franchise. Which brings me to:

Bust: Money, honey. Sooner or later, all movements have to make decisions concerning the stewardship of the monies that flow towards the ideas and energy they generate. The charismatic movement is no exception. Keep in mind, that the past fifty years has produced a wide variety of sub-movements, churches, personalities, teachings and influences in the overall charismatic camp. However, even the casual observer will note that, as a movement, money, wealth and "giving" have been treated in ways that range from somewhat unbalanced to the truly revolting.

Boon: Roman Catholic, Ecumenical Catholic and Orthodox Charismatics. This is not a wholesale endorsement of all things Catholic, Orthodox OR Charismatic, but I think that, overall, the opening of the Catholic and Orthodox churches to the moving of the Holy Spirit has been a boon for both Catholics and non-Catholics alike. I have personally enjoyed many delightful hours in heartfelt worship and fellowship experiences with Spirit-filled Catholics wherein we have found our hearts, souls and conversations being led by the Spirit to an emphasis on the Lord Jesus (John 14-16 prophesied this). Much more could be said on this topic, but for now I'd just like to give a shout out to my friends Father Peter and Father Joe!

(Note to the Fundamentalists who have already listed me on their "He's a Heretic" websites -- here's some more fuel for your fire!)

Bust: Conferences, Conferences and More Conferences - After forty years or so in this thing, I'm pretty conferenced out. By the looks of it you might think that there is a verse in the Bible that reads: "For God so loved the world that He held a conference..." We've had conferences on Signs and Wonders, Power Evangelism, Victorious Faith, Worship, Intercessory Prayer, Church Planting, Effective Leadership, Healing, the Father's Heart, and a host of other topics. It's not that I haven't attended my fair share of such conferences and I'm sure you'll see me at some in the future and, okay, I've even led a few of my own. But, seriously, I think this emphasis on a conference for every issue has gotten a little out of hand.

Boon: Empowering Women in ministry. Kathryn Kuhlman, whose well-known healing and preaching ministry straddled the Pentecostal, Evangelical, and Charismatic movements, seems to have provided a hint of things to come when it comes to the notion of empowering "Spirit-filled" women for ministry as a result of the Charismatic, neo-charismatic and Third Wave movements. Just as surely as the "Full Gospel Businessmen" Fellowship was an early expression of the empowerment of "laymen", "Womens Aglow" soon followed with a life of its own. The implications of the last generation of empowering women for ministry within the Charismatic, neo-charismatic and Third Wave streams are still being expressed, refined, critiqued and advanced.

Thanks for all your thoughtful responses on Facebook and on my blog to the previous two "charismatic" posts. Shall I keep going?

Needed: Sandlot Spirituality

2010-02-21T07:36:00.001-08:00

Ever seen the movie "The Sandlot"? The 1993 film is the story of Scotty Smalls and his first summer in suburban L.A., circa 1962. At first, Smalls struggles to fit in to his new neighborhood. But, one day, he joins some local kids in an improvised game of baseball played "sandlot" style. Sandlot ball is a lot different than organized Little League baseball, dominated as it is by grownups, vigilant umpires and regulation uniforms, equipment and fields. Before long, however, Scotty learns that sandlot ball has its own attractions.

Maybe the best thing about sandlot baseball is that the kids play without grownups. They organize themselves, practice whenever they want to or can, and improvise around the challenges that go with playing on an ungroomed, roughshod field. They even figure out their own ways to deal with "the beast" -- a dangerous and fearsome dog as large as a Buick that threatens to gobble up anyone or anything that enters its domain just over the outfield fence.

The first time Scotty plays sandlot ball with his new friends he learns a most important lesson: new players must earn the respect of their teammates. You don't make the team because your parents signed the paperwork and paid the entry fee. You make the team because you figure out how to make your own contribution to the overall group. Scotty figures this out during the very first trial run at playing sandlot ball with the other boys. A mistake and the ridicule that follows causes him to leave the field in shame. But Benny Rodriguez, the best player in the hood, lends his respect and his help to Scotty so that he is able to return to the team and take his own place among his peers.

One of the key points of tension in the film is when the boys' arch-rivals, The Tigers, show up to mock the sandlot players which results in a showdown game at The Tigers manicured field. Legitimacy will be determined by skill, teamwork and commitment and not by who has the nicer surroundings.

Looking back, I could say that my own Christian experience was formed by "sandlot spirituality". Our rag tag band of young believers were decidedly "un-pro" in our look, our method and our organization. Like the "Sandlot" kids, we were left to figure out a good many things about how to follow Jesus, serve His cause, glorify His Father and respond to His Spirit. And, oh, the mistakes we made! But when I think about the things that were formed in me during my "sandlot" days as a Jesus-follower, I would never trade the sheer love of the game I learned for the lure of "church success" as defined by the church establishment.

Frankly, I'm a little concerned about what today's aspiring young church leaders are told about legitimacy in ministry. I'm concerned about the messages -- intentional and unintentional -- that are telegraphed to them about what it takes to be "legit" in ministry, in church planting or in personal spiritual development. It seems to me that some of these "grownups" need to leave the kids alone -- let them make their own mistakes, hone their own instincts and enjoy their own successes -- while offering to mentor them rather than squeeze them into their mold. Having played a few years in the "big leagues" myself, I am looking for a few associations with some young spiritual entrepreneurs who just want to follow Jesus in the everyday places and take their own chances with the gifts, talents and callings they feel inside.

At the end of "The Sandlot" movie, we see the grown up Scotty Smalls in the radio booth where he is an announcer for the LA Dodgers. On the field below, Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez, his childhood friend and mentor, steals home plate in a fantastic move. The quick "thumbs up" Benny flashes at Smalls reminds them both that the bond they forged on the sandlot is a bond that lasts a lifetime.

Here's to sandlot spirituality and the players it produces!

Charismatic Boons and Busts

2010-02-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

In my last post, I observed that the Charismatic/Neo-Charismatic/Third Wave movement is now fifty years old. In this post, I step back (as someone with 40 years of my own charismatic history) to note some of the worthy and, uh, less worthy contributions so far.

Boon: A quantum leap in the theology of the Holy Spirit.
The onset of the charismatic movement has put an unprecedented focus on the Person and works of the Holy Spirit - especially among mainline evangelicals and Roman Catholic theologians, leaders and "lay people". The comparative dribble of Holy Spirit-focused theology that existed before the spread of the charismatic movement has turned into a tidal wave with some notably good contributions. For the most part, this has been a good thing. It's almost as if the Church finally got to really meet the One Jesus promised would be with them forever for the first time.

Bust: A quantum leap in bad theology of the Holy Spirit.
By "bad theology" I mean theology of the Spirit, His Person and His works that run the gammut from reactionary (cessasionist dispensationalism) to just plain silly (list far too long to include in this little blog). By "bad theology" I mean theology that is not grounded solidly in Scripture. By "bad theology" I mean theology that flippantlay exploits the Spirit, His gifts and His power instead of reverencing and honoring Him as God. By "bad theology" I mean theology that turns the Third Person of the Godhead into a Bartender. You get the idea...

Boon: The tremendous outburst of Spirit-empowered compassion ministry including everything from Teen Challenge to the practice of healing prayer as a staple in church life. One of the best legacies of both the Pentecostal and Charismatic movements has been the ongoing outwardly-focused emphasis on the hurting, the poor, the needy and the lost that is grounded in Jesus' own mission statement: "the Spirit of the Lord God is upon me because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor..." in a manner similar to the way the modern missionary movement is grounded in Jesus' Great Commission.

Bust: Personality cults. This probably doesn't need a great deal of explanation if you have been around "charisma" for more than about ten minutes. John Wimber said it best: "I'm tired of hearing about THIS great man of God and THAT great man of God. I'm ready to hear about the Great God of Men!" Amen!

Boon: The emphasis on so-called "lay ministry" and marketplace/everyday place ministry. There is no denying that -- once the Spirit got loose among the so-called "lay people" -- their "leaders" had to play catch up! He (the Spirit) did not wait for church big shots to give Him permission to start falling on everyday people and empowering them with boldness, creativity and spiritual vitality (see Acts 10 for the first example of this phenomenon!).

Bust: The Prophetic Movement. I know this is controversial, but I think I've paid my dues to be able to comment on "the Prophets". While I maintain a firm conviction in the reality of prophetic gifts including prophecy, the word of knowledge and the word of wisdom, my evaluation of all this emphasis on "the prophets" and their endless emphasis on God's "next big thing" is pretty much a distraction from our timeless call to simply and consistently follow Jesus as His disciples -- proclaiming His word and doing His works until He returns. For me, the bottom line is this: if all this prophetic mania evaporated tomorrow would anyone who was consistently seeking to follow and obey Jesus really miss it?

Boon: Music -- especially worship music.

Bust: Music -- especially worship music.

I love to worship, privately and corporately. I love to get on my face, kneel before the Lord, close my eyes, lift my hands, weep, laugh, keep my mouth shut in reverant awe and open in it glorious praise. The legacy of charisma has been a wonderful outpouring of worship that has truly raised my appreciation for the greatness of God and His imminence when I open up my soul to Him in worship. That said, the notion of Spirit-inspired "worship" has also suffered a truckload of indignities, shallowness and downright foolishness that almost -- but not quite -- drown out the benefits and blessings of charismatic worship experiences for me.

My favorite illustration comes from a pastor who was sitting next to me in a large meeting where the "worship band" was cranking up the volume to uncomfortable levels in the name of ... well, I don't know why. This man turned to me, flustered, and spoke the following words: "Was there worship before electricity"?

Well spoken.

Since this is getting to be a pretty long post, I'll see what you all think of what I have commented on so far before continuing.

What Now, Charismatics?

2010-02-17T06:24:00.000-08:00

The so-called Charismatic Movement began in April of 1960 - 50 years ago. It was then that Episcopal priest, Father Dennis Bennett, told his Van Nuys, California congregation that he had received the fullness or "baptism" of the Holy Spirit and was now speaking in tongues. How could he have known that, before long, literally millions of others would share the same testimony? Taken together, the charismatic, neo-charismatic and classical Pentecostal movements represent an unprecedented spiritual avalanche that has picked up a very wide variety of personalities, sub-movements and influences as it has powered its way down the mountain of history.

The list of charismatic and neo-charismatic persons of influence includes: Oral Roberts, Jack Hayford, Kenneth Hagin, Kenneth Copeland, Earl Paulk, Paul and Jan Crouch, Mike Bickle, Jim and Tammy Bakker, Pat Robertson, Benny Hinn, John Wimber, Bob Mumford, Pat Boone, Derek Prince, Bill Johnson, Kathryn Kuhlman, Larry Christenson, Ralph Wilkerson, Michael Harper, David Watson, T.D. Jakes, David Wilkenson, Father Eusebius Stephanou, Leon Joseph Cardinal Suenens, Father Rick Thomas, Wayne Grudem, Mario Murillo, Paul Cain, David DuPlessis, J. Rodman Williams, Demos Shakarian, Todd Bently, Ruth Carter Stapleton, Ted Haggard, C. Peter Wagner, Lonnie Frisbee, and Kevin Ranaghan -- among many, many others.

Fifty years hence, a number of those who qualify to be on the list of charismatic influences have either passed away, fallen away, or watched their impact dim. I've even started to see the term "post-charismatic" get thrown around -- and perhaps that is not unreasonable, at least in the Western World. Pentecostal and Charismatic churches, leaders and movements are still much stronger outside Europe and the U.S. So, one wonders what is next. It seems to me that, after fighting so hard to win a place of acceptance at the evangelical table, the charismatics and neo-charismatics (including so-called "Third Wave" movements) are at a crossroads. Do they bet the farm on the edgier and more controversial personalities, sub-movements and spiritual distinctions of their movement? Or, do they dial back and find new alignments with other evangelicals (excluding, for a moment, the much smaller contingencies of Roman Catholic and Orthodox charismatics)?

Today's newer and smaller movements such as the new Reformed, "Emergent" and Simple Church tribes have their charismatics, but these hybrid associations feel more like the backwash between waves more than the waves themselves.

The fifty years that followed Father Bennett's infamous announcement have been powerful, interesting, puzzling, disconcerting, inspiring, confounding, disappointing and thrilling on both a local and global level. But influential new, younger leaders are not exactly waiting in the wings as the charismatics and neo-charismatics wind up Act Three of their show. What next? An encore? A falling curtain? Or, to borrow a phrase from Monty Python, "something completely different"?

Living in the Power of Four

2010-02-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

Really enjoyed speaking to the men of the Anaheim Vineyard last weekend on the topic of "Living in the Power of Four". It was an "in house" mini-retreat on the Church campus that went Friday night and through lunch on Saturday -- a nice way to pack in a good time together, including two meals, worship and some ministry time.

One of the key themes around the Power of Four teaching that Dr. Steve Bagley and I have developed is the question: "Who do you need in your life at this time to become the man God has called you to be?" Just a note here: we mostly present this to men, but more and more women are enthusiastically embracing the P4 model so their core question would be "Who do you need in your life at this ime to become the woman God has called you to be?"

The Power of Four concept is about four members of the same sex setting their own time and place to meet, usually weekly, to walk with each other as Christ-followers who are seeking to be real, transparent, and available to know one another and be known. A P4 group is not a Bible study, prayer meeting, accountability group or recovery group - although Scripture, prayer, accountability and restoration all "show up" whenever believers get serious about really sharing their lives with one another in a "safe" environment.

I have been in P4 groups for several years now and find it to be one of the most anchoring, empowering, life-changing and fulfilling chunks of time I spend with others in the course of a week. At the Anaheim gathering, Paul Mills, one of my fellow group members (along with Dr. Bagley) shared some of his testimony of what it is like for him as a "thirtysomething" to give and take with a guys who are in other seasons of their lives (I'm in my fifties and Steve is in his sixties). He also shared about some of his personal struggles and how God has used our group to enable him to be a better husband, father and Jesus-follower.

The guys were very receptive and it is my hope that new P4 groups will form out of the 80 or so men that came to the event. The whole thing was recorded and also filmed, so watch for how you can get in on this! I'm also very happy to come to your church, retreat or other setting and share about the benefits and "how-to's" of "Living in the Power of Four".

Escape to My Prairie Home

2010-02-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

Spent a little over two hours last night in a packed movie theater escaping to St. Paul, Minnesota for the "live" broadcast of Garrison Keillor's Prairie Home Companion on the big screen. This particular Fathom production of the long-lasting weekly live radio event included special guest Elvis Costello who, it turns out, makes a darn fine radio drama character actor as well as a unique and engaging singer/songwriter!

What is it about this whole Prairie Home thing that causes 4 million people a week to huddle up around their radios and give a listen to a bygone form of entertainment? What is it that has kept this phenomenon in full gear for 3 1/2 decades? Turns out to be a lot of the same factors I like about my church life right now: simplicity, focus and a heartwarming intimacy.

If you are new to the PHC experience, let me pause to explain. See, each weekend, Keillor assembles talented regulars and a guest or two for a two hour performance in front of a live audience in a not-too-large theater in St. Paul, MN. Things move swiftly between musical performances, a bit of spontaneous banter, humorous recurring mini-dramas like "Guy Noir: Private Eye" and "Lives of the Cowboys", the unlikely offerings of fictional "sponsors" such as "Powdermilk Bisquits" and "Be-Bop-a-Re-Bop Rhubarb Pie and Pie Filling", and some fine, fine, superfine old-timey musical performances.

About the music: there's gospel, honky-tonk piano, a couple horns, folk, jazz stylings and more -- all done in a rather "unplugged" mode. But it is Garrison Keillor's gift for storytelling as the lights dim low that grabs you and just won't let you go. Yes, these are the fictional tales that make up his "News From Lake Wobegon" segment of the show.

Over the years I have been as up-close-and-personal with Garrison Keillor as he has breathed out one of these captivating storytelling segments as I have been with the finest of preachers I've heard. Last night was no exception as Mr. K talked about making peace with a brittle relative thanks to banana bread, Bailey's Irish Cream, and a pair of dilapidated old skis. I think it is safe to say that you'll never hear a finer description of what it is like for a young boy to pee in the snow on a bitter cold Minnesota winter's night than you will in Keillor's current flight of fancy.

But, back to the music -- it keeps coming on in a variety of shapes and styles -- all of it grand! The Hopeful Gospel Quartet (Keillor, Robin and Linda Williams and the hard-working vocalist Heather Masse), finger-style guitarist Pat Donahue, the spine shivering talent of the two singing Steele sisters: Jearyln and Jevetta and, of course, Mr. Costello.

There are instrumental jams, solo moments, and various other combinations of singers and musicians that keep the two hours light, sweet and fast moving. And it is all held together by the amazing musical director, Rich Dworsky, who burns up the keyboards in a manner that causes the HD image of his hands to blur just slightly as he cascades up and down the ivories.

It's all good fun, it's a getaway like no other and it makes the sorrows of this world melt away like snow in the Minnesota spring as -- for just a little while -- the PHC crew transports you a different kind of place and time than you can find anywhere else.

If you are fleet of finger, you might be able to snag a ticket for the February 9th encore screening in Irvine, but don't wait 'cause those tix are sure to go fast. And, if you do go, arrive early, get a good seat, and enjoy the pre-performance wanderings of Garrison and a cameraman as they wander around downtown St. Paul while the big Dane (Keillor) acts as a very informal tour guide. Otherwise, visit the PHC website for rebroadcasts of earlier shows or listen this weekend on your FM dial.

Thanks to my friend, Rob, for taking me to this wonderful world away and thank you for reading my recollections and reflections!

Why You Wish You Were Lebanese

2010-01-28T11:09:00.000-08:00

First of all, the food is great. Like lamb? Hummus? Taboolie? Such flavors!!

But, not to be outdone by Adam Sandler's Hannukah ditty, here is a list of some my fellow Lebs. Prepare to be amazed!

Paul Anka, Dick Dale (King of the Surf Guitar), Danny -and Marlo-Thomas, Jamie Farr (Cpl. Klinger of MASH fame), Salma Hayek (need I say more?), "Tiny Tim" (real name Herbert Khaury), Kristy McNichol, Kathy Najimy (Rat Race, Sister Act), Harold Ramis (Ghostbusters, Stripes, SCTV), Keeanu Reeves (this is a cheat because he was born in Beirut but is of Chinese, Hawaiian and American roots), Neil Sedaka, Shakira, Tony Shaloub (Monk), Omar Sharif ("Dr. Zhivago" - born Michael Shaloub to Lebanese parents in Cairo, Egypt), Tom Shidyac (Ace Ventura, The Nutty Professor), G.E. Smith (Bandleader of Saturday Night Live house band), Tiffany (teen singer), Frank Zappa (that's right!), Casey Kasem (America's Top 40), Jack Hanna (Jack Hanna's Animal Adventures)

Sports Figures include: John Elway, Doug Flutie and Bobby Rahal.

And don't forget Wendy's Hamburger man, Dave Thomas, pollster John Zogby, heart surgeon Michael DeBakey, fashion designer Joseph Abboud, Mansour Farah (clothing manufacturer), Joseph Marrion Haggar (also in clothing), William Peter Blatty (author of The Exorcist), Gibran Khalil Gibran (poet, writer, and friend of my grandfather).

And, oh yes, ME!

For a far more exhaustive list and for many other things Lebanese, check out:
http://www.habeeb.com/Famous-Lebanese-Americans.html

And, one more thing: My wife, of decidedly British descent, makes the best dang baklava you ever ate!

Film Review of "Crazy Heart"

2010-01-23T22:45:00.000-08:00

"Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try..."

I'm not sure how I would feel if I were a reporter and I had to watch an attractive and much younger fellow reporter sleep with the somewhat charming but rather burned out older has-been country singer during her second interview with him. Did I mention she has a four-year-old son?

Okay, let me start again. Imagine a film about a burned out older has-been country singer who finds redemption after meeting a much younger woman who is also the mother of a young son. Oh -- and it has Robert Duvall in it, too. But wasn't that the main plot line of Tender Mercies which starred Duvall as the burnout and Tess Harper as the woman who stops his free fall?

Okay, let me start again. Imagine a film about a burned out older has-been country singer who gets involved with a much younger woman with a son named Buddy with a soundtrack by T-Bone Burnett and, yes, Robert Duvall plays a role in this film, too.

It's kind of hard to imagine the attractive Maggie Gyllenhaal falling for a man who smokes like a chimney, drinks like a fish and somewhat resembles the aged love child of Nick Nolte and The Dude (or, maybe, Kris Kristofferson - you decide). But that's what happens and, dang it, he actually is a likeable sort when he's not clutching a bottle of whiskey or emptying the contents of his stomach into a trash can -- but, I digress...

The fact is that Jeff Bridges does give a whale of a performance in this movie. And the music is really good, even if the mythical "hit" songs are ones we've never heard before as performed by mythical pick up bands (including one called "The Bum Steers"!) who sound amazing with next to no rehearsal time with the star of the show. Yes, there's a lot to like and a lot to swallow in Crazy Heart which manages to treat us to some pretty wonderful New Mexico landscapes along the way. The supporting cast, including Maggie G, all turn in nice performances and, hey, wasn't that piano player guy the radio broadcaster in Duvall's "The Apostle"? And, what can I say (speaking of Duvall): he has been my main man ever since I first saw The Great Santini. Once again, he does not disappoint though the director doesn't give us tons of insight into exactly what is going on in his relationship with Bridges' character.

Still, I am bugged by the reporter who makes and re-makes up what is best for her son as she goes. Grab a babysitter at one a.m.? Sure. Turn the little fella over to her charming but alcoholic lover (who has already rolled his Suburban after a short doze on the blacktop) for the afternoon? Why not? After all, he's a lot of fun and he makes good biscuits. Like Renee Zellwiger in Jerry McGuire, we are once again treated to a mommy who makes grand leaps of faith into a relationship that has huge implications for her little boy while we keep our fingers crossed that everyone will come out alright.

But, by the end of the film, there is redemption. We are informed that the turnaround has taken many months but we see only a fraction of the process. Okay, it's just a movie but, somehow, Duvall's redemption in Tender Mercies made more cinematic sense.

If it sounds like I'm sour on the film, I'm not. I actually enjoyed it. I even thought Colin Farrell pulled off the role of "young buck Country Music star" pretty well -- so well that it was a little hard to understand why Bad (that's the first name of the Bridges character - yep) is so mad at his adoring protege'. But all will be well before the end credits role.

There was a crazy side bar in Crazy Heart about another son -- this one belonging to the has-been singer himself, though he hasn't seen him in 24 years. A phone call is placed. A conversation ensues. You'll have to watch the film and decide for yourself what can be gained from exploring this sub plot.

I guess, in the end, I like Bad Blake enough to want to know more about him and, because the film brought me to that point, I wish it would have helped me understand the man better. Nevertheless, Crazy Heart has some five star performances, some good music and some nice scenary as it takes us to bowling alleys, motels and bars we would otherwise zoom right on by.

And when it is all said and done, The Dude most definitely abides.

Some of My Favorite Simple Church / Organic Church Empowerment Quotes

2010-01-22T12:57:00.000-08:00

All these can be found on our website at www.vcmn.org (you can also try www.vineyardathome.com):

"Instead of bringing people to church so that we can then bring them to Christ, let's bring Christ to people where they live. We may find that a new church will grow out of such an enterprise, a church that is more centered in life and the workplace, where the Gospel is supposed to make a difference. What will happen if we plant the seed of the Kingdom of God in the paces where ife happens and where society is formed? Is this not what Jesus intended for His Church?"

Neil Cole in Organic Church

"I'm unlearning the American church's traditional focus on a superstar speaker, worship leader, educator and shepherd, which serves mainly to attract spectators rather than igniting the power of everyone else.

I'm learning that being "glocal" (engaging the church's mission in both global and local ways) means decentralizing power, decision making, information, all of it. The Kingdom of God means ministry opportunities are available to almost everyone."

Bob Roberts, Pastor and Author of Transformation: How Glocal Churches Transform Lives and the World.

"Luther reformed the content of the gospel, but did not change the basic structure of the 'worship service'. This reformed-Roman Catholic-Jewish meeting pattern was baptized by the Baptists, anointed by the Pentecostals, misused by the cults, renewed by the Charismatics, put into uniform by the Salvation Army, dry-cleaned by the Quakers - but was never radically changed.

The 'services' were essentially still performances, audience-oriented masses... where many spectators and consumers observe a few very involved religious specialists perform for them and with them. (Today's churches) have too often become 'fellowships without fellowship'".

Wolfgang Simson in Houses That Change the World

"I believe there are thousands of emerging apostles that have gifts within them and they are not being released because we don’t have fathers that understand the apostolic calling and the [need to] release them like we should.

I believe we do have many young ministers with apostolic callings who struggle to develop on their own because there is no one in their region that they are connected to that has a heart to train and disciple them into their gifting.”

- John Eckhardt, founder of Crusader Ministries, Chicago

What if the "Visitor" Was You?

2010-01-21T13:06:00.000-08:00

Just got back from a great pow-wow with our Western Regional Leadership team of the Vineyard, held in Temecula as the rain fell and the waters rose. While there, one of the pastors remarked that -- despite the fact that their church had moved to new meeting space -- he was encouraged to see that they were still getting "visitors". Something about that term grabbed me and I heard it in a whole new way.

It's not that I am not well-acquainted with the use of the word "visitor" to describe those folks who are coming to our church meetings to check us out. They are visitors and the word is appropriate. But this time, a different thought occured to me: what if "we" were the visitors?

In other words, what if we were the ones showing up for a "visit" on the turf of the people in the everyday places of our community? What if we were the ones who stepped out of our church space and stepped into their life space as a "visitor" to their world -- visitors who bear he gospel of grace, the love of God and an openess to connecting with their reality?

I quickly decided that, armed with this new insight, I am going to seek to be the "visitor" who comes to the lives of others. How about you?

Our 700 Club Experience

2010-01-11T11:25:00.000-08:00

As you may know, Robin and I were the subject of a video piece broadcast last week on CBN's The 700 Club program (Here's the link. Video lasts about 5 minutes):

http://www.cbn.com/media/player/index.aspx?s=/vod/RT35v4_WS

The backstory is that our good friends, the Tranes, have a son, Max, who was profiled on a 700 Club piece about his remarkable recovery from a fall and the brain injury that followed. Max's mom and dad told the producer about our family's story and, therefore, both families were interviewed seperately during a week in October of last year. They ran the Trane story in November and our story just a few days ago.

Frankly, I was surprised to see how much I was on camera in our piece due to the fact that they spent much more time interviewing Robin while they were here. Nevertheless, it seems they wanted to approach the story from the angle of a husband and his fight for his wife and family after her tragic accident and, all things considered, we were actually pretty happy with their take on things.

A few of the details of a decade ago when the crash took place came back afresh through the video. In particular, I was struck by Mary Kay Bader's sober reminder that Robin could have died any time without warning - especially in the first week to ten days. I really had forgotten about that. I also appreciated her observation that when a brain-injury patient is surrounded by "faith and family" (as she put it) their prospects of recovery are far more hopeful. Amazing.

Of course, in commenting on the piece, a number of our friends said "...but they left out so much!" True, but -- given the paramaters of the story they had time to tell -- they did a pretty good job of including enough details to acquaint someone unfamiliar with the situation with the miracle of Robin's restoration. All in all, we trust that the presentation will bring glory to God and encourage others to fight the good fight of faith, hope and love for their loved ones.

My book, How Healed Do You Want to Be? (Ampelon Publishing), begins with the story of the crash and launches from there into a much wider discussion of healing grace and what it is that is actually being described by the word: healing. www.howhealed.com has order information if you want to get a personalized copy from the author (me!).

After I first saw the video, I called the Producer at CBN, Rod Thomas, and told him that -- while I was pleased in general -- I did feel that I've got much more of a George Clooney thing going on than the man playing me in the re-enactment segments. Did they attempt to get George to play me, I wondered? Rod assured me that they had indeed tried to get Clooney to play my role but, sadly, he was already occupied. Well, at least I am reassured that I was not the only one who saw the obvious resemblance between myself and the dashingly handsome leading man, Clooney.

If you've got five minutes, I hope you'll take them and have a view. Please leave your comments on what you think, too!

"He Fights"

2010-01-08T14:22:00.000-08:00

During the American Civil War, Abraham Lincoln went through commanding generals for his Army of the Potomac one after the other. McClellan. Burnside. Hooker. McClellan again. Despite those things that recommended these men to the Commander in Chief, they ultimately disappointed the hard-pressed President again and again. Meanwhile, Robert E. Lee, who would have been Lincoln's first pick had he decided to fight for the Union, repeatedly frustrated the Union Army's efforts to extinguish him and end the war quickly.

At last, Lincoln found the man he was looking for in Ulysses Grant. In praising Grant, Lincoln summarized his high opinion of his new commander in two words: "He fights".

Something about Lincoln's brief accolade grabs me. Of course, all his generals "fought" in the broad sense of the word. But what Lincoln admired about Grant was his focus, his determination and his relentless pursuit of victory. It is what he had been looking for in a commander for a long, long time. I confess that I want to go down fighting -- for the highest and best for my wife and children and for the other people and things that God has put within my field of influence.

Who do you know who "fights"? Mark that man or woman. It is a quality we need to see much more of in the times in which we live.

I would like the Lord to say of me: "He fights". I would like to say of each of my sons "he fights", too. Not just in the general sense, but in the noblest sense.

Oral Roberts and the End of an Era, Part II

2009-12-31T07:32:00.000-08:00

Oral Roberts Crusade Poster from 1957

Oral Roberts, among others, pioneered a "new" media (TV) of their day as a vehicle for spreading a message of miracles that proceed from a good God along with Oral's popular notions of Seed Faith. By this means, the former tent revivalist had extended his reach far beyond the canvas of a tent or even the concrete of a large auditorium to an audience that never had to leave their homes to hear and see him in action. Of course, other preachers and religious personalities were also experimenting with TV's promise and pitfalls. Each of them brought their own twist and carved out their own audiences. Meanwhile, the next generation of TV preachers such as Joel Osteen and T.D. Jakes watched and learned.

But TV ministry is expensive. Getting viewers to underwrite the broadcasts requires a constant flow of giving which, in turn, demands a message that will constantly delight an audience rather than confront it. Television ministries, therefore, perfected their "product": inspiration.

All of this was not lost upon churches that wanted to grow large. Even if they were not broadcasting their services, they found their own ways to keep the inspiration flowing and the confrontation at a minimum. "Old school" sermons turned into inspirational sermonettes with testimonials and contemporary MOR music filling out the mix. It was Oral Roberts and others whoe pioneered this shift from the televised "crusade" to the religious variety or talk show format. Compared to a televised Billy Graham crusade -- or even the old days of Oral Robert's televised miracle services -- these programs were far more in keeping with the broader sensibilities of the culture. While it is true that Dr. Graham was still getting away with preaching a longer message with a confrontational "make a decision for Christ" challenge at the end, it must be remembered that he didn't have to keep a weekly TV show on the air!

But, once again, the revolution in the delivery of information is changing things and will, no doubt, continue to powerfully redefine the communication of Christian messages and values. The monopoly of old-fashioned broadcast TV with its several channels -- the medium that supported Oral Roberts and other TV preachers of his time -- has been replaced by cable, satellite, internet and the other Tweets and Tubes of our times. If you are reading blogs like this one, then I don't need to tell you about the power and variety of today's communication technology. Oral Roberts lived to see this revolution begin, but neither he or any of us now living can truly imagine where things will go from here. A long time ago, the printing press changed the world, and we are still living out the implications of that fact. But now we are living in a day when everyone's last name can be Guttenberg. What will that mean 200 years from now (should the Lord delay His return!)?

I recently learned of the 25 year old San Francisco Bay Area resident, Austin Heap, who figured that the world out to know what was going on in Iran in the days following their last (rigged?) election. When he found out that the authorities were blocking the abilities of the people to Twitter out footage and reports, he cobbled together something called "Haystack" which allowed the people in the streets to get around the government chokehold. What kind of a communications environment are we in when a young man in his mid-twenties can get the drop on both the government of a pretty large country and CNN? What will this mean to the propogation of the gospel and the spread of the church? I'm not sure. But it might just represent the same kind of leap that Oral Roberts made when he traded his tents for a TV studio and, in his own way, changed the world.

Oral Roberts and the End of an Era

2009-12-29T22:09:00.000-08:00

In mid-December, noteworthy evangelist Oral Roberts died at age 91. For many people, Oral was a sort of quirky has-been -- a relic of America's tent revival past who traded up for TV cameras and a pioneering role as one of his generation's very first "televangelists". Of course, there is a respectable University in Tulsa that bears his name, but even ORU has had to come up with ways to survive some of its founders controversial statements and actions over the years.

So now Oral is gone and no one (trust me on this) is going to replace him. My confidence in that statement can be explained by the simple truth that Oral Roberts was a product of his times and times, as they say, have changed. But lost in the shuffle of the story of the stuttering boy from Bebee, Oklahoma who claims to have been healed by God of his own tuberculosis at age 17 is the reality that Oral Roberts changed his world, especially the Christian world of his time, even as it changed him. Several of these shifts were nothing short of revolutionary while others were merely remarkable.

For one thing, Jack Hayford (among others) points out that Oral Roberts -- the classical Pentecostal healing evangelist and tent preacher -- was a key figure in paving the way for the charismatic ministry of the Holy Spirit to overflow into the mainline Protestant denominations. Rev. Roberts' decision to join the United Methodist Church in 1968 shocked many of his oldline Pentecostal contemporaries, not to mention quite a few Methodists. For decades, classical Pentecostalism had been treated as the embarassing bumpkin cousin of the mainstream denominations by the leaders and adherents of those church systems. With the undeniably influential Roberts' crossover affiliation, the lines were blurred and the rules were changed. The rest, as they say, is history.

Oral was also visionary about his use of media -- especially television in its early days. While many preachers had been broadcasting services and sermons on the radio for decades, Oral Roberts boldly brought cameras into his healing miracle services so, as he said, people could witness the miracles for themselves. This move changed everything from television broadcasting itself (the first "reality" shows?) to American religious practice and perception. It changed Oral, too. The "new" televangelist Roberts consistently preached the message that "something good is going to happen to you" thanks to the faith promises of a "good God" who wanted nothing but "good things" for the viewers.

It was a message that was free of both fundamentalist pronouncements of impending hellfire and liberal doubts about Scripture and the historical Jesus. American viewers quickly got the message that there was a new, positive gospel in town and that was far more "inspirational" than the stuff preached in their churches. The brief, dramatic testimonies and seed faith promises on the tube opened up a new outlet and the ministry marketplace was suddenly born again. Now there was a whole new level of competition for people's time, attention and money! Once the dust began to settle it was clear that churches, broadcast media, evangelists and consumers of religious teaching would all come a long way from where they started.

Space does not permit me to continue to name all the changes Oral and his kind made in the religious landscape of their generation. However, I feel it is more important to hold up their accomplishments to the white hot light of the present times to see what shines through, what burns up and what blocks out the light altogether. That is what I will do in my next post.

U2 Speaks on the Price of Originality

2009-12-23T08:09:00.000-08:00

Starting into "U2: At the End of the World" by Bill Flannagan and I thought these thoughts of Bono's on their originality were worth repeating (something one cannot always say about Bono and his thoughts on every subject known to man). In this case, he actually knows what he is talking about. Oh, and by the way, in case you didn't know, Bono has, ummm, potty mouth and so I took the liberty of quoting him without spelling out the expletives...

"U2 are the world's worst wedding band... For instance, we were always jealous of the fact that we never knew anyone else's songs. That started a lot of B sides where we did cover versions and tried to get into the structure of songwriting vicariously and than apply it. This is a band that's one of the biggest acts in the world, and we know *#%&@@! in terms of what most musicians would consider to be important. 'Cause all of these bands, including this new crop, have all played in bar bands, they're all well versed in rock & roll structure -- which is also why they're all so well versed in rock & roll cliches."

Something about that statement grabs me in that it hints at the cost of originality. While there is nothing new or admirable about being original and unsuccessful, boring or pretentious, I admit that I am attracted to those who are original and, somehow, widely appreciated, successful and continuously innovative. Bono continues:

"Imitation and creation are opposites. The imitative spirit is very different from the creative spirit, which is not to say that we all don't beg, steal, and borrow from everybody, but if the synthesis of it all is not an original spirit, it's unimportant".

I think the last word, "unimportant", is the most powerful one in his entire statement. We live in an age that is overflowing with entertainment, political posturing, religious activity, economic ebb and flow and information overload. However, it strikes me that so much of this is "unimportant". So much will blow away in the wind. Including this post, but try to enjoy it anyway.

There's a price to originiality -- a risk that cannot be calculated in advance. One must synthesize, wade in, collaborate, offer up the result and hope that it stands the test. Today, I thank God for those who are willing to pay the price and share the results.

How the Israeli Army Can Really Help the Chuch

2009-12-12T08:14:00.001-08:00

Newsweek's feature on the phenomenal number of Israeli Nasdaq companies (Nov. 23, 2009) credits the Israeli Army for its role in contributing to the rampant innovation and ongoing success of Israeli entrepreneurs. I was struck by the fact that nearly everything in the article has profound implications for the Church in our time. Here are a few things that stood out to me:

The article poses the question: "How does Israel attract, per person, 30 times as much venture capital as Europe and more than twice the flow to American companies? How does it produce, for its size, the most cutting-edge technology startups in the world?"

The answer the writer poses credits, in part: "...the Israeli military's role in breaking down hierarchies and -serendipitously- becoming a boot camp for new tech entrepreneurs".

The stated mission of Vineyard at Home, our house church network, is to "empower everyday people to take the ministry of Jesus to everyday place". One of the fundamental components of such empowerment is to break down a rigid church hierarchy in order to equip believers to truly own the ministry themselves. While spiritual authority is a reality, it is evident that it is also fluid -- defined by mission and the requirements of servanthood -- as Jesus kept reminding His disciples (Mark 10:44).

The article continues:

"Innovation" is hardly the first word most people associate with the military. "improvisation" is even less likely to come to mind. And "flat" -- as in anti-hierarchical and informal -- would be completely counterintuitive. Yet these are exactly the attributes that employers have come to expect from young people emerging from their stint in the Israeli Defense Force."

Do our churches, seminaries and other ministry training environments empower innovation and improvisation or are they, by and large, bounded by traditional hierarchical modalities that feature a limit number of "job descriptions" within a top-down system? The article continues...

"Talk to an Israeli Air Force pilot and you will see why. "If most air forces are designed like a Formula One race car, the Israeli Air Force is a beat-up jeep with a lot of tools in it".

Most churches would be ashamed to describe themselves as "beat-up jeeps" loaded with tools rather than svelte and fine-tuned systems. But I am convinced that the mission of God needs more and more "jeeps" in our day if we are to break out of the missional quagmire.

"In the Israeli system, almost every aircraft is a jack-of-all-trades", the article continues: "You do it yourself," one pilot noted. "It's not as effective (as the complex American-style waves of air infiltration), but it's a hell of a lot more flexible".

Israeli soldiers, battling for the very survival of their tiny nation, appreciate flexibility, innovation, seat-of-the-pants decision making and broad-based empowerment given the fact that they will never outnumber or intimidate their enemies by sheer force. Is this not the position the church finds itself in, in these times? We are in need, it seems to me, of modes of empowerment that keep simple and focused ministry outreach and discipleship rolling out. We tried grasping after all the levers of power in American society and that strategy failed us. Maybe its time to move the ministry of Jesus into the everyday, grassroots, real-time/real-life quadrants of society.

The article goes on to describe the IDF as "a unique space within Israeli society where young men and women work closely and intensely with peers from different cultural, socioeconomic, and religious backgrounds. A young Jew from Ethiopia, the son of an Iranian immigrant, a native-born Israeli from a swanky Tel Aviv suburb, and a kibbutznik from a farming family might all meet in the same unit".

Bonds forged under such conditions create relationships that transcend the normal comforts of social compartmentalization. Danger, mission and active duty forge new alliances. The learning curve is high and the price of failure unthinkable. Is this the attitude we have in our churches? Or have we settled for them to function more as social clubs that gather homogeneous pods of people together in their quest to hide away from all the ugly stuff "out there" in the world?

The article describes the unique and remarkable way these military associations, experiences and disciplines affect reservists as they return to working society. "Rank is almost meaningless in the reserves," he (a lawyer quoted by the writer) says. 'A private will tell a general in an exercise, 'You are doing this wrong; you should do it this way.'"

Do our "generals" in the church work closely with the "privates" in the rank and file in order to maximize the impact of our gospel calling? Are our generals truly and available and open to feedback from the "troops" along the lines of "You are doing this wrong; you should do it this way"? What would happen if we truly opened the feedback loops and ownership of ministry resources (time, talent, treasure) to "the ranks"? Has this not been the net effect of reformation and revival movements of past times? Do we really need to wait for the crisis to reach so high of a peak before we reconsider what we are really structured for in the Western church?

"Israeli soldiers are not defined by rank: they are defined by what they are good at." Now there's a notion the church might do well to embrace!

"Innovation often depends on having different perspective. Perspective comes from experience. Real experience also typically comes with age or maturity. But in Israel, you get experience, perspective, and maturity at a younger age, because the society jams in so many transformative experiences when its citizens are 18 to 21 years old. By the time they get to college, their heads are in a different place than those of their American counterparts."

Lots to think about and, better yet, incorporate into our present day philosophies of ministry, mission and church structure -- wouldn't you agree?

The article continues:

Bill's "Best Of 2009" List

2009-12-03T06:42:00.000-08:00

Okay, I lied. This is not really a "best of" list because "best" is so subjective. I'm officially calling it my "stuff I talked most about" list instead. The criteria is simply that it had to be something I personally experienced. So, here goes:

Most Talked About Musical Group: Fleet Foxes

Love these guys from Seattle. Can't get enough.

Most Talked About Theatrical Release:

It Might Get Loud (already blogged about it if you wanna look it up)

Most Talked About City:

Tie between: Seattle/Bellingham, WA

What a wonderful, beautiful, engaging and charming part of our wonderful country

Most Talked About Live Sports Event:

Watching the LA Galaxy (with Mr. Beckham) play in Los Angeles -- who knew live soccer could be so fun?

Most Talked About Musical or Theatrical Event:

I only went to one live Theatrical event (A Christmas Carol at SCR - last weekend!) so it wins and I don't think I went to any live music concerts this year -- but Robin and I got tickets for U2 next June.

Most Talked About DVD - re-watched category:

This is tough, but it is either Lars and the Real Girl or, possibly, The Fall.

Most Talked About DVD - first-time viewing category:

Probably "In Session" season one (blogged about that already, too).

Most Talked About Commentator, Radio Category -

Dennis Praeger, per usual.

Most Talked About Commentator, Print Category -

Mark Steyn. What a snappy, witty writer.

Most Talked About Guilty Pleasure:

Watching UFC bouts. There, I said it.

Most Talked About Personal Spiritual Experience:

The Miraculous "Skunkworks" Mug

Most Talked About Pipe Tobacco -

Tobacco Barn's lovely Ebony Gold blend

Most Talked About Accomplishment -

Tie between the rapid rise of my pastoral counseling practice and Robin's amazing graduation and hiring at Biola.

Most Talked About Book:

"How Healed Do You Want to Be". Duh.

Let Me Explain Myself

2009-11-24T13:16:00.001-08:00

Finally found some language for this quest I have been on while reading Dallas Willard's "The Great Omission":

"Now, some might be shocked to hear that what the "church" -- the disciples gathered -- really needs is not more people, more money, better buildings or programs, more education, or more prestige. Christ's gathered people, the church, has always been at its best when it had little or none of these. All it needs to fulfill Christ's purposes on earth is the quality of life He makes real in the life of His disciples. Given that quality, the church will prosper from everything that comes its way as it makes clear and available on earth the "life that is life indeed...

So the greatest issue facing the world today, with all its heartbreaking needs, is whether those who, by profession or culture, are identified as "Christians" will become disciples -- students, apprentices, practitioners -- of Jesus Christ, steadily learning from Him how to live the life of the Kingdom of the Heavens into every corner of human existence. Will they break out of the churches to be His Church -- to be, without human force or violence, His mighty force for good on earth, drawing the churches after them toward the eternal purposes of God?"

The Great Omission, Introduction, pps.xiv, xv

This is the thing I can't shake, the call that keeps drawing me forward, the quest that has gripped me -- to rediscover the stripped-down, simple reality of following Jesus into the everyday places as His disciple and to make Him known in environments that are not defined by "church" in the outwardly churchy sense. And I can report that after nearly a year and a half this quest is getting both easier AND more difficult. Easier, because I have been cut loose from so many distractions that used to occupy my attention and complicate my Christian walk and more difficult because it feels, at times, lonely and counter-(church)cultural. And also because I have less excuses.

I'll be 54 next week and I can tell you that ever since I was 15 this is the core of what I really wanted from life -- the opportunity to follow Jesus in a "really real" way. After all these years, I still feel like a beginner but "where else will (I) go? You alone have the words of eternal life!"

"Back Into the Fray" - A Waking Vision

2009-11-18T06:53:00.000-08:00

Daniel A. Brown, Ph.D today

I'll never forget the day Pastor Daniel Brown told me of the waking vision he had seen. He described it as a call to get "back into the fray". At the time, Daniel was a pastor at The Church on the Way in Van Nuys, CA where he led the college-age group.

As the vision opened, he saw a man -- a soldier of old -- coming back to his senses after having been knocked out in battle. He was bruised and a bit bloodied, but he was able to rise to his feet and survey the area around about. As he did, he saw other soldiers who, like him, were just recovering from a brutal battle.

The soldier began to move toward some of the others and, as he did, more recovering soldiers joined him. Before long there was a band of them moving along the top of some sort of hill or ridge. Their numbers grew steadily as solider after soldier collected themselves and joined in the company as it steadily moved along the ridgeline.

After a moment the "camera" (as it were) pulled back to reveal a bigger scene for, there below them in the valley, the wounded soldiers saw the "regular army" formed in their ranks and dressed in their uniforms. The regulars were engaged in a pitched battle with the enemy. As they observed them, the newly recovered soldiers on the top of the hill paused for a moment. They still had their own battle wounds. They were not dressed nicely in uniform as were their fellow soldiers in the valley below. But they had experience the "regulars" did not have. They knew some of the enemy's schemes and strategies and understood what it was to be injured and yet survive. What should the do?

The next thing Daniel saw in the vision was the streams of veteran soldiers coming down the hillside and pouring into the ranks of the regular army. There were many more of them than he had first anticipated. As they rejoined the ranks, they found ways to add their experience, their courage and their fighting faith to the regular army who, it became obvious, was better for their presence. The battle began to turn as the enemy gave ground. In his spirit, Daniel heard the Lord saying that he was calling for His wounded soldiers to "get back into the fray".

I believe it was somewhere around 1980 when Daniel Brown shared his vision with me. At the time, he interpreted the wounded soldiers to have been veterans of the Jesus People movement who had been knocked down or out in battle with the enemy. And that makes sense -- especially at that time. But I have come to believe this vision to still be a valid representation of the future of the spritual warfare of our time. It's not just recovering "Jesus People" who need to re-enter the fray but many others who, over the past years, have been wounded, bruised and bloodied but who -- upon their restoration -- have much to add to the ranks of the "regular army" of brave but less experienced brethren.

Hear His voice as He calls you "back into the fray!"

Keys to Healing a Marriage, Part Three

2009-11-18T06:45:00.001-08:00

Key #3 - Envision Your Future Marriage Now

When you are driving a car to the store, you "see" two differnt things at the same time. You "see" the road just in front of the car and the myriad other things in your immediate environment. But you also "see" the store you intend to visit. You do this in your mind or imagination. That's why you take the roads you take. You can envison in your mind's eye exactly where you are going even though that destination is not available to your immediate view as you navigate the roads.

Now apply this to marriage. When Robin and I became engaged, I was still in my teens (19 to be exact). I could "see" Robin before me and I knew that she was the woman for me. We were young with our entire adulthood and its many mysteries before us. But we would not remain in that uniquely youthful phase of our lives forever.
Knowing this, we made vows on our wedding day. These vows included language about what we could "see" in our future. Our vows were the things that bound us to it come what may: "for better, or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...until God shall separate us by death..." Those words expressed a vision of life far beyond where we were living it.

When healing a marriage, we must reaffirm the ultimate destination that was first described by the vows we made on our wedding day. That day, before God and our loved ones, we bound ourselves to what someone has described as a "lifelong commitment to an imperfect person". To lose this destination on the map is to throw away the map altogether. Two people who no longer "see" this vision must reclaim and recover that end point if they are to weather life's storms and finish well. If they stop living with the end in mind, the marriage will suffer and perhaps even die.

It's not a matter of whether or not other visions will present themselves to the partners in a marriage. Life will conspire to overturn what we have vowed with tantalizing imaginations of life lived with other partners and other pleasures. There is no doubt that we will miss out on these things if we maintain our foundational commitment to one man, one woman, one lifetime. But as I mentioned in an earlier blog post, that is the very nature of decision making. To make any decision is to slay some of our options so that others may live.

It is no secret that this is what God asks from us in our marriages -- to slay all other options, hold fast to our commitment, and fight to the finish: "forsaking all others, I will keep myself to her, and to her only...". This is why the marital relationship is imbued with so much meaning in Scripture. It is the very vow our God has takin upon Himself. He has bound Himself to our brokeness and imperfection despite our ups and downs: "if we are faithless, He remains faithful". It is also why we need grace (and not just human willpower) to fulfill our vows and arrive at the destination of a life lived faithfully together. It is, you might say, a God-sized commitment.

In healing a suffering marriage, we admit this, ask for help, and recall to heart what we have vowed in the hopes that our partner will do the same.

The Genius of the Jesus People Movement

2009-11-15T09:20:00.000-08:00

The genius of the Jesus People movement of the late 1960's and 70's was not the theological sophistication of it's adherents. It wasn't money, or programming, or a centrally-coordinated effort to impact youth culture launched by existing Christian leaders or sociological experts. I believe the genius of the Jesus People movement was the empowerment of everyday people to take the ministry of Jesus to everyday places - from school campuses to coffeehouses. From private homes to rock concerts. From streetcorners to city parks. "Jesus Freaks" were always looking for opportunities to take the gospel to the places and environments where the people of their generation lived their daily lives. The whole world was their mission field and "church" could happen anywhere, anytime.

As a veteran of that experience, I believe we who follow Christ now would do well to re-discover this way of life. It's not about trying to go back to the "old days". It's not about nostalgia or recreating a bygone era or somehow updating its symbols. But I am convinced that there is an inhertiance given by the Holy Spirit to the Church that remains available to us now -- especially to those of us who know better than to keep ministry within the walls of church buildings.

There are lots of things about the Jesus People that can be criticized -- many mistakes that were made. But there are things that still pulsate in the hearts of those of us who walked those roads -- including the convictions that Jesus is for everyone, that ministry if for every believer and that we don't need elaborate structures, programs or high-cost endeavors to go where Jesus is going. We simply need to see where the Lord is already at work in the everyday lives of a world He came to love back to life!

So here's my call to my fellow "vets" -- get back to basics. Rediscover your inheritance. Tap back into your passion. Find a need in some everyday place and take Jesus there. It looks different now, to be sure, but the genius of the Jesus People movement waits to be reclaimed and put into motion yet again!

Wholesome Shallowness? Kong Hee

2009-11-14T22:09:00.001-08:00

My dear friend Grady Williams told me about Singapore Pastor Kong Hee, his pop music star wife, Sun, and this blog entry entitled "Wholesome Shallowness". All those interested in the issue of committed Christians and the arts (including popular music) will find it a good and provocative read.

http://www.konghee.com/www/2009/09/wholesome-shallowness/

U2's "Magnificent"

2009-11-12T06:54:00.001-08:00

"I was born
I was born to sing for you
I didn't have a choice but to lift you up
And sing whatever song you wanted me to
I give you back my voice
From the womb my first cry, it was a joyful noise

Only love, only love can leave such a mark
But only love, only love can heal such a scar

Justified till we die, you and I will magnify
The Magnificent
Magnificent"

Lyrics by Bono and The Edge

This song from "No Line on the Horizon" soars with praise to The Magnificent -- the One who provides the center for the singer's identity, devotion and deepest experience. The song is in praise of Jesus Christ.

"No Line..." contains other interesting christological references. From the song "White as Snow":

"Once I knew there was a love divine
Then came a time I thought it knew me not
Who can forgive forgiveness where forgiveness is not
Only the lamb as white as snow..."

There is a lot about the album that feels mature -- both recapturing the best of the classic U2 sound while also extending and expanding into new territory. I find "No Line on the Horizon" to be a superior effort in general and "Magnificent" to be one of the best songs in a considerably outstanding collection of music. Listening, I am uplifted and I am focused not on rock stars, but on Him who is Magnificent.

Keys to Healing a Marriage, Part Two

2009-11-09T06:46:00.001-08:00

It may sound counter-intuitive, but I believe many wounded couples simply do not fight often enough or vigorously enough -- for each other, that is! One of the keys to healing a marriage is the ability you will gain to fight FOR your partner instead of fighting them. This means you will become his or her advocate instead of their adversary. Doing so unlocks the marital endorphines necessary to re-energize a depressed or languishing union.

When a man fights for his wife, it often involves increasing her sense of security. A woman who feels secure is a woman who feels loved. "My man is thinking of me today", she says to herself. "He is aware of me and my needs and I matter to him. My man is my champion. He desires me physically, emotionally and spiritually. He does not resent me or consider me to be a burden. He treats me like I am his gift from God". This is what it sounds like inside a woman who is finding more and more security within her husband's love. By contrast, when a woman feels she must compete with work, hobbies or other people for her man's attention, she may display the resulting insecurities by becoming depressed, nagging or otherwise burdened.

When a wife fights for her husband, it involves increasing his sense of esteem. A man who feels esteened is a man who feels loved. "My woman believes in me. She is proud of me and she knows that I am trying hard to succeed", he says within himself. "She desires me physically and trusts that I have her best interests in mind. She is my cheerleader and she treats me as her gift from God". This is what it sounds like inside a man who is finding more and more esteen within his wife's love. By contrast, when a man feels he must compete with unrealistic expectations, other men or even family members for his wife's attention, he may display the resulting deflation by becoming edgy or despondent. He may also seek to hide in work, turn to pornography, or overindulge in hobbies or other distractions.

Fighting for one another, instead of against one another changes the tone of a marriage and lets the healing begin!

Keys to Healing A Marriage, Part One

2009-11-05T10:55:00.000-08:00

Healing a hurting or broken marriage is not as hard as we may think...or as easy! Although a million, million words have been written on this topic, there is no doubt that a million more will be. In what follows, I humbly offer a few words of my own on a subject that really matters. They come from my experience as a pastoral counselor, pastor and my own 33 years of married life with Robin.

KEY #1: No Change, No Healing

"When an irresistible force such as you
Meets an old immovable object like me
You can bet just as sure as you live
Somethin's gotta give
Somethin's gotta give
Somethin's gotta give"

Johnny Mercer's classic lyrics describe a law of both physics and human relationships: "somethin's gotta give". When a marriage is hurting or in trouble, "same old same old" is no longer an option. Even so, a true appetite for change is not always present in those situations -- and marriages -- that are desperate for change. Sometimes the first response to marital crisis is to fall back into a deeper commitment to the familiar patterns, attitudes and behaviors that have fed the breakdown because they are already an ingrained part of our routine and identity. "Don't ask me to change", we assert. "I am what I am".

Dissect that statement a little further, and it reveals itself to be more of a values statement than an actual fact. In effect, we are saying: "I value staying with what works for me more than I value learning what works for us". The fact is, we learn how to radically change "who we are" all the time -- if we believe the change is worth the trouble to do so. When the economy shifts, we may immerse ourselves into totally new careers. When children come, we immerse ourselves in learning how to parent. When our health is threatened, we may radically change our diet, our exercise routine and, possibly, our entire lifestyle in order to avoid issues that will destroy our health or our functioning. That's why, when a marriage is in need of healing, change is the best friend we need to invite over to stay, not an enemy we need to keep locked outside.

If we value our marriage then we need do whatever it takes to heal it, build it up and renew its vitality. This means change -- often HUGE change. It can sometimes takes a gargantuan effort to UNlearn some things and LEARN others. The learning curve can feel daunting, indeed. Perhaps this is why so many marital partners seem to look for the minimum tweak to stop the squeek (in their marriage) instead of embracing the opportunity to experience transformative change. In sports lingo they refer to this as "playing not-to-lose" rather than "playing to win".

Money is One Reason (I Like House Church)

2009-11-01T19:35:00.000-08:00

So, today I sent out another email to our house churches in Vineyard at Home, our house church network, telling them that THEY NEED TO SPEND MONEY on kingdom stuff. I get all warm and tingly inside just writing those words! Do you have any idea how much fun it is as a church leader to write church members in order to ask them to please spend more money?

The funds they are being asked to spend (distribute, etc) are a sizeable portion of their own giving. To see how this works and how simple it is, you can simply visit our website at www.vcmn.org and click on the "money" link on the right hand bottom of the home page.

The opportunity to do church "organically" means that THEY (not me) decide how the funds are to be spent as long as it is in accordance with our mission to "empower everyday people to take the ministry of Jesus to everyday places". In the year plus since a number of us "went house church", this has been one of the big payoffs (no pun intended).

It was so cool to be a part of a pow-wow that includes teenagers and children and to decide together how to spend "God's money" on stuff we know God values! For example, our Foothill Ranch church is giving a $1,000 gift to a family we know to be in need. In addition, $2,000 is being budgeted by this group to bless the Arms of Love childrens home in the Philippines at Christmas time. And there are a couple other initiatives that will be explored in the next couple weeks. And it's not just money. It was decided that the youth and kids will work with the adults to customize gifts to the children in the AoL home including group shopping trips, handmade cards, etc. If I sound excited it is because I AM!!!!

Years ago, I was taught about the well-known "Pareto Principle." This is the old truism that "20% of the people do 80% of the work" and "20% of the people give 80% of the funds", and so on. One of the great joys of doing church organically has been to see this Pareto Principle go down in flames as literally every member -- including children and teens -- participate DIRECTLY in church life and mission. This is a dream come true.

We are definitely still in "pioneer mode" as we figure out how to walk out the vision God has given us but, I gotta tell you, learning how to steward resources as a house church family has been one of the bright spots in the journey.

Too Hard to Change Your Life? Ask Robin!

2009-10-12T12:41:00.001-07:00

My wife, Robin, is in her last semester at Azusa Pacific University. She anticipates completing her Masters of Science in Nursing Degree with a specialty as a Clinical Nurse Specialist in Maternal Child Health and a Teaching Certificate in mid-December. Following this, Lord willing, she will be teaching in the Nursing program at Biola University on the 10th anniversary of her near death head-on collision in February. How did she get here?

To watch her emerge from the roadside wreckage of ten years past only to engage the long road of recovery she has since been on has been a stunning thing to watch. Nearly ten years ago, Robin was getting around the clock care in the ICU with traumatic brain injury and fifty bone fractures. Since then she has undergone thirteen surgeries, hundreds of hours of painful physical therapy, and other medical interventions and treatments. Even now, she sometimes battles with pain at levels I will never be able to understand.

I remember the time early in her recovery at home when she finally made up up the stairs to the second story of our former home so she could see her bedroom again. Standing at the top of the stairs, she stood there weeping at the sight. It had been seven months since she had last seen our room. I also recall her first days behind the wheel again. She was driving over an hour each way to Azusa Pacific so as to complete her intensive Bachelors Degree program at the time. Taking that challenge on was very big for her and it taxed her to the limit. But she did complete the program's demanding requirements and graduated in 2003. Before long, she was hinting about going back for her Masters so she could go into teaching. How could I say "no"?

In the meantime, she had returned to work on the Labor and Delivery floor as an RN -- this time at Mission Hospital where she had been a patient after the crash. Her days there are long - 12 1/2 hours plus -- and take alot out of her. A few weeks ago, Robin fell and broke her foot in two places so she is currently on disability. But, before that, there was a period during which she was working two 12's a week, in school two days a week, teaching at the hospital for Concordia University every week and trying to study, complete papers for school and prepare for her oral and written comps (she needs to re-take them this semester). And, of course, she continues to be a mom, Stampin' Up Demonstrator, and counselor/church leader's spouse! And, oh yeah, she also holds classes from time to time for Doctors and Nurses who need to renew their NRP certification.

Her Masters Program has been mostly good, but very tough. I'm so glad to see her nearly at the finish line. A few weeks ago, she got a call from Biola University asking her to please submit her application so they could consider her for a faculty position in the new year / new semester that begins in January. Looks like her life is about to change again!

About a month ago a film crew from The 700 Club TV program was at our house to capture some Robin's story. Like everyone else that really hears it, they left a little in awe of my wife. She gives the glory to God, as do I, for what He has done in raising her back up to life. Robin is not really a showy person and doesn't toot her own horn as much as she could, so I'm tooting it for her. It's pretty inspiring to live with someone who has come back roaring from the brink, seizing life with a determined grip and pushing for change at a considerable cost. Think it's hard to change your life? There's no doubt that it can be. Think it's possible? Or worthwhile? I don't know, but before you give up on the idea, ask Robin.

(By the way, our son Andrew, who was nearly 16 at the time of the accident, was in the front of the same car as his mom. We are so proud and grateful for the many things he has acheived since undergoing such a severe trauma as survivng that horrible crash ten years ago. And our daughter, JeanneAnn, was three at the time. She is now 13 and growing to be such a lovely young lady. Thanks be to God for His mercy to all of us in the Faris Family!)

Death By Sermon, Part Two

2009-10-07T18:34:00.000-07:00

One of the things that began my questioning of sermons (as the primary weekly tool of teaching and discipleship) began with a post I read on Jeremy Pryor's blog:
http://jeremypryor.wordpress.com/2007/09/26/are-sermons-destroying-christianity/#comments

You'll notice, if you mosey on over there that Jeremy has removed his original post inasmuch as he didn't like the spirit of what he had written. I admire that. But there are plenty of interesting and worthwhile thoughts about sermons and sermonizing in the comments. I especially commend the extensive post by "Gavin" which gives much food for thought.

At Last: I Reveal My Secret

2009-09-30T21:11:00.001-07:00

I eat a little ice cream every night -- Caramel Delight, these days. I hereby record the following apparent benefits:

FACT: I am well-like by some of my friends.

FACT: I seem to avoid nearly all illnesses.

FACT: I meticulously obey traffic laws.

FACT: I can usually remember where I left my keys and wallet.

FACT: I just celebrated my 33rd anniversary with Robin.

FACT: I have traveled to several foreign countries.

The amazing evidence that eating ice cream has, without a doubt, resulted in these and other benefits is indisputable. I'm sure there are others, too. I commend ice cream to all my readers!

Death By Sermon, Part One

2009-09-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

*** Sermons. I got a crate full of 'em -- mostly my own. Some are on tapes (remember them?) and in digital file. I'll give you as many as you want -- free!! Just take your pick. Not that excited? Me either -- as in I don't even want to listen to me! Makes me wonder about the value of all these sermons after all. Do we really know why we sermonize or trust so much in sermons to produce growing Christians? Some thoughts follow...

* * * *

If he is like I once was, your pastor probably spends a large amount of time preparing a sermon for delivery each week. It's likely to be high up in the job description: "must be able to 'preach' (that is, to sermonize). Each week he or she must design sermons that are engaging, biblically sound, stimulating, well-illustrated and, hopefully, applicable to the real lives of their audience. To borrow a phrase from a friend, they must somehow pump out a continous stream of "new" (if not necessarily fresh) material.

Maybe this is one reason why good sermon-givers can be well paid. Those who sermonize well may have a lot to do with attracting a bigger audience to the church -- a phenomenon known, in some circles, as "church growth".

For reasons like these, sermons tend to be delivered by pros -- or at least people who are supposed to be pros. Our job is to listen to the pros and then critique them over a ham sandwich after church is over. While listening to the 1/2 hour to hour of "preaching", we aren't supposed to think about ham sandwichs or other lunch meats, or whether the Dodgers will go all the way in the post-season, or a host of other mind-occupying distractions. We are supposed to be listening to "the word" and "the word" is supposed to have impact. This impact is measured differently in various church cultures. A "good" sermon can get people to lift their hand while "every eye is closed and every head bowed". A really good sermon will actually get people to leave their seats and come to the "altar" (i.e. front of the church where the sermonizer is standing) or to go on their knees or to otherwise become available to the "ministry time" that follows the message.

Most of you will never really understand what the sermon-deliverer (usually the pastor) goes through every week once they have left the building. They know that a room full of people just surrendered a whole bunch of their precious weekend time and attention to them. They know that either they were "on" or not-so-on that particular day and that getting people to return and keep returning requires lots of "on" days. I mean, think of what the sermonizer is up against. It is, after all, exceedingly uncommon these days for people to sit still and listen to anyone speak -- especially when the sermon or teaching may require a half hour or more to deliver. Now multiply this week after week over a number of years. Now add in the fact that your intention is to ellicit deep and enduring spiritual and practical responses in your audience. Yikes! It's easy to see why "special music", videos, dramas and other sermon-boosters are put into the mix. It's also easy to see why excellent sermonizers are like rock stars with a rare and dazzling talent.

Excellent or not, the fact is that in most of our evangelical church services the sermon is the centerpiece of the worship service as in: "come for the sermon - stay for the worship". Sermons are centered on the Bible but, even so, a lot of believers don't even bother to bring their Bibles to church. They have often been trained not to do so by the "preachers". In many cases, the pastor or speaker has presumably gone through serious effort to prepare a fine feast for their audience so that their main duty is to sit back, relax, and enjoy the fruits of the sermonizer's labor! This is why many church services are not so much "worship" services as much as they are "sermon delivery systems". The musical worship before the message is often keyed to the sermon and the follow up worship music is meant to extend the emotional and spiritual impact of the spoken message, too. Man, we put a lot of stock in sermonizing! Man, we expect a lot from these messages! So why is their "shelf life" so seemingly short?

House Church Worship Art?

2009-09-16T10:17:00.000-07:00

You know how it's become kind of trendy for churches to release visual artists to paint during the worship set these days? I believe it is tied to the notion that the spirit of worship is alive in the congregation and is presumably inspiring the artistic expressions of praise and devotion created by the painters and artists. Makes sense to me...

Well, last weekend at our house church, we experienced a different sort of worship art (you might say) while we were gathered together in the livning room lifting our hearts to the Lord. Right in our midst, the children were singing and praising God while quietly playing with their blocks on the floor (I like this about house church: that the kids are "in" with the grownups during worship -- as kids -- and not as mini-adults).

I had been leading worship on the guitar with my eyes closed. It was after the third song or so that I opened my eyes to see the image you are now viewing in the photo posted here. She was right at my feet and in the middle of our assembled group.

I instantly felt it was not only "worship art" of a different kind, but also a sort of prophetic word from the Lord to our small assembly. See what you think...

"In Treatment": Crack For Students of the Human Condition

2009-09-09T06:58:00.000-07:00

Sorry if I've been a little hard to find, lately. See, we were in the Seattle area for a week and, while there, I happened upon a box of DVDs from Season One of the HBO series "In Treatment". Since then, I've been obsessively spying on a number of psychotherapy sessions involving a middle aged therapist and an array of his fascinating patients. Don't worry -- they have no idea I'm watching them or that I can hear EVERYTHING they say. And get this: I have even been tagging along with the good Doctor as he shows up for sessions with his former supervisor. You should see him engage in battle with her (played very believably by Diane Wiest) as he wrestles through his own issues. Pretty delicious stuff, you say? Yes, indeed. But, don't be jealous. There's a seat behind the one way mirror for you, too!

"In Treatment" began life as an award-winning Israeli production called "BeTipul". This HBO production features the character of Doctor Paul Weston who is played by the excellent Gabriel Byrne (The Usual Suspects, etc). In Season One, his patients include an admiring, unpredictable and beautiful 30-year-old anesthesiologist, a grounded military jet pilot with an attitude the size of Texas, a troubled young gymnast and a couple who are as volatile as a Molotov Cocktail. Meanwhile, the ever-cool, ever-focused Doctor Westin has troulbes of his own. His marriage to Kate is on the brink and his kids seem to get the leftovers of his time and attention. Sure, each episode pretty much consists of a small number of people sitting in a room, talking. However, there are plenty of ingredients here for a spicy, spicy stew.

As a Pastoral Counselor who works with Marriage and Family Therapists and Interns in a professional environment, there is plenty in "In Treatment" that I can relate to. In fact, I can't recall a more true-to-life dramatic portrayal of the powerful and mysterious aspects of the counseling or psychotherapeutic process: the mystery, the edginess, the raw honesty, the doubts, the risks, joys, intimacy, pains and triumphs. And as someone who has been on "the other side of the couch" as a client, I totally get Paul's desire to lash himself to someone he can trust in search of his own answers.

"In Treatment" is not perfect and a binge can be exhausting. There are things that are definitley amped up for dramatic effect. The language and subject matter definitely earn a strong "R" rating -- this is NOT kid stuff. Still, I find the series to be riveting, educational, bittersweet and even a little depressing (I'd like to conclude on this last point).

"In Treatment" for all its considerable benefits, reminds me of how blessed and fortunate I am to live, practice counseling, and work in an environment that honors Jesus Christ, respects the notion of "truth" and employs (where appropriate) things like prayer, Scripture and other gifts of the Holy Spirit. Over and over, the powerful moments portrayed on the screen remind me that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom".

It is not religiosity that helps in this regard, but what the Bible refers to as "the light". I love the way counseling / psychotherpay can invite brute honesty, self-awareness and even a very unique and beautiful form of love. But when the Holy Spirit is honored, one's own sinfulness is accounted for, and an atmosphere of total regard and service is supplied, counseling provides a unique opportunity for two or more to "walk in the light as He is in the light" (and, according to I John) "have fellowship with one another".

I'm gonna keep hangin' with the Doc and his crew throughout the rest of Season One's unviewed discs. Furthermore, Season Two is now up and running and, as I understand it, there are plenty of new adventures to go on. But even as I feed my appetite for this portrayal of raw humanity, I will continue to miss and long for the things that only God can bring to the healing process and maybe, just maybe, I'll say a prayer for the Doctor Paul's of this world and their clients who, like me, need that mysterious thing called "grace" as they live their lives in a sharp-edged world.