(Is There) Shame on You?

"Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood" (Isaiah 54: 4)

"Shame on you".  Few words pack such a sting.  To put shame on someone is to assign humiliation to them and utterly dismiss them.  In some cultures, "shame is worse than death" (that phrase, in fact, is a Russian proverb).  But what, exactly, is the nature of shame?  How does it affect us?  What is the remedy?

Although guilt and shame share some of the same moral and spiritual characteristics, some have drawn a distinction between the two.  Guilt, they say, is the conviction that something you have done is bad.  Shame, by contrast, is the conviction that you are bad.  The normal cure for guilt is to make ammends for what you have done beginning with an apology or a confession.  This can go a long way towards relieving guilt's persistent pangs.  But how do you apologize for what you are?  

Forgiven, But Still Ashamed?

It has been my experience that we can experience forgiveness from guilt - the guilt of our sinful actions, attitudes and behaviors - without experience total release from shame.  Many Christians know what I am talking about.  If you ask them if they believe or feel that God has forgiven them for what they have done, they will say: "yes!".  But if you ask them if they are at peace with who they are inside - if that mercy from above has penetrated to the way they see themselves within - they will struggle to answer in the affirmative for, although forgiven, they still feel their shame.  This is not only unnecessary but it diminishes what is available in the finished work of Christ as expressed in His gospel.

Transformed Through Worship

In the Bible, shame is connected with idolatry.  To worship false gods is to empower a shame-based life.  These gods may stand in for actual demonic principalities and powers or they may be projections of self-worship.  In either case idolatry is a degrading endeavor that sets us up to experience an ever-deepening sense of shame.  

By contrast, the Bible portrays the worship of the true and living God as ennobling, life-giving, and liberating.  God is not the one who changes as we worship Him "in Spirit and in truth" - it is we who are changed "with ever increasing glory":

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever‑increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3: 18, NIV).

Therefore, one of the key ways to experience release from the grip of shame is to worship God from our hearts and, in so doing, allow Him to affirm our place at His table as fully-adopted sons and daughters.  

The Cure

The cure for shame is not only to accept forgiveness for sins, but to be renewed within by the grace of God.  It is to see ourselves the way He sees us.  It is to be transformed in our essential self-image by the gift of His holy acceptance of us through Christ.  

The passage in Isaiah 53 that describes the devastating humiliation of the Suffering Servant Messiah demonstrates that He not only took the punishment for our guilt upon Himself, but also the root of shame and rejection of the self that our fallen nature has produced.  From His humiliation comes our exaltation - not in vanity, but in saving grace!  

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich" (2 Corinthians 8: 9).  ng grace!  

As we approach Good Friday and Easter Sunday, let's make sure and praise God for not only the forgiveness of sins, but the release from shame His gift of Grace provides!

 

A Hidden Healing, Part Two

This is from my weekly newsletter "Gracelets". Enjoy!

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In Part One, I introduced the story of one of the most remarkable healings I have ever witnessed - even though I was not aware of it at the time it was taking place. The entire story can be found in my book, How Healed Do You Want to Be?

On the day this hidden healing took place, I was in charge of hosting a conference of Christian singles at our church. During the opening worship time, I had asked all of the conference participants to join me on the large step area in front of the platform on which the worship band was playing so that we could make up an ad hoc worship choir singing directly to the Lord as our only "audience".

After hearing one young woman's outstanding voice nearby me on the steps, I arranged to have her join the band and sing into the microphone. Tapping her on the shoulder, I made the invitation while the band played on. Confused at first, she eventually understood that she was being invited to join in and she did. It was beautiful.

After the morning session, she came to me and expressed deep appreciation for what I had asked her to do. At first, I did not understand that something powerful had taken place for her. As her eyes filled with tears, she told me the "story behind the story".

What I learned continues here:

"A few years ago," she said, "I was a worship leader in my church back home. At the time I was married and had a family. But I made a huge mistake. I had an affair with a married man who led worship at another church." She paused to regain her composure. "Once everything came to light, it broke up both of our families. Of course, we were each asked to step down from our roles by the leaders of our churches. From there things just got worse."

She paused again, then continued:

"I felt like my whole world was falling apart," she told me. "We soon broke off our relationship for good, and I tried to go back and make things right with God and with the people I had hurt. But it's been really hard. I haven't been able to forgive myself for what I did with all the blessings and gifts God has given me. I have pretty much
hated myself ever since."

As I listened, my heart went out to her. I wanted to respond but before I could she said something I will never forget:

"When you tapped me on the shoulder this morning, my first thought was that someone had told you about me and that you were going to ask me to sit down..."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Is that what she thought of me? Is that what she thought of herself -- a candidate for public shaming?

"Before today, I had concluded that God never wanted to hear my voice in church again," she sobbed. "But when you got my attention this morning, you didn't ask me to sit down. You told me my voice was beautiful and that I should go up and sing with the band into the microphone. You'll never know what you did for me today. God
used you to let me know I am truly forgiven. Now I know I can be restored. I will never be able to thank you enough"...

I am humbled when I recall how God used me (without my knowing it) to accomplish a "hidden healing". I wonder how many hidden healings you have been a part of?

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Perhaps you need a safe place where you can invite God's healing life and light to transform you and turn your heartaches into hope? If I can help you as a counselor, don't hesitate to contact me by phone or email.

A Hidden Healing, part one

A "Hidden Healing" Part One

By William T "Bill" Faris, MPC"
Reprinted from my “Gracelets” Newsletter

One of the most unforgettable healing experiences I ever witnessed happened without my knowing it - until it was revealed to me in a surprising interaction after the fact. I describe this healing event as a "hidden healing" in my book, How Healed Do You Want to Be?

On the day this hidden healing took place, I was in charge of hosting a conference of Christian singles at our church. About 100 of us
had come together to begin the first morning of the conference with a time of praise and worship. As the music swelled, I was soon
caught up in the atmosphere of music, devotion and celebration. There was liberty and joy in that room and, before long, it seemed
as if the line between heaven and earth had somehow blurred.

Suddenly, I was struck with an inspiration to try something I had never tried before. Between songs, I went to the microphone and
asked everyone in the room to please come to the front platform and stand on the steps that led up to the area where the band was
playing their instruments. In only a moment, we had moved from our seats "in the audience" to joining the band as a sort of ad hoc one hundred voice worship choir. We resumed with hearty praise as we sang to the Lord -- our "audience of One". It was awesome!

It wasn't long before I noticed a particularly wonderful female voice coming from somewhere nearby me. It was beautiful, strong
and striking indeed. "That voice needs to be on a microphone", I said to myself as I slipped over to quickly consult with the worship
leader. He pointed to the open mic and I returned to where I had been standing while the band continued playing and the voices
joined together on another song. I gently tapped the young woman with the outstanding voice on the shoulder and she turned to see
that it was me who wanted her attention. .

I pointed to the open mic and urged her to please sing into it. She looked a bit stunned at first. When I assured her that I was truly
urging her to go up and sing into the mic she made her way there and joined in with the band. As I expected, her rich voice added
even more to the beauty and power of that morning's experience.

After the morning session concluded, I was surprised to see the young lady singer making a bee line for me. "You'll never know
what this morning meant to me", she said. "Great", I replied in my best pastoral tone. "I'm glad to hear it.".

She looked at me again as tears filled up her eyes. "No, you don't understand.... A few years ago I was a worship leader in my church
back home. At the time I was married and had a family. But I made a huge mistake. I had an affair with a married man who led worship
at another church." She paused to regain her composure...

* * * * *

The Flavors of Forgiveness

Forgiveness, at first glance, may appear to be a one-size-fits all proposition. But I don't believe it is. In essence, For me, it helps to identify three types or "flavors" of forgiveness. All of these come down a considered decision to release a debtor from their debt or an offender from their offense. And yet, all three have unique features as well.

The Flavor of Generosity:

Generosity is "garden variety" forgiveness. I believe the scripture calls us to live a characteristically generous lifestyle of forgiveness towards those who have offended us without malice. If our "brother" (not enemy) sins against us 70 times 7 in a day - we are to generously forgive them. The scriptures lead us to this posture of generosity by reminding us of how we ourselves are regularly and repeatedly forgiven by our generous God. In light of our receiving so much generous kindness, we can afford to be generous in our forgiveness of those who do not seek us harm. "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13).

The Flavor of Obedient Forgiveness

This type of forgiveness may be offered to friend OR foe. Someone may have intentionally or unintentionally done us some harm or disservice. We are called to offer them forgiveness because God simply commands us to do so. It is not as much a matter of generosity as it is of obedience to God's expressed will. Therefore, I forgive because I am commanded to do so - not because I "feel like it" or have sympathy for the offender or from any other core motive that originates with some sort of personal cost/benefit analysis. I choose to let the offense go and release the offender to God because I am told I must. Emotional reverberations will go up and down in the aftermath, but the forgiveness I am offering does not proceed from a feeling or an emotion. Rather, it is a decision and it results in appropriate actions.

The Flavor of Radical Forgiveness

There is a flavor of what we might call "aggressive" forgiveness. We see it in the Apostle Paul's admonition to not be overcome by evil but to "overcome evil with good". Radical, aggressive forgiveness opens room for God's justice as well as His mercy. Instead of giving us permission to take vengeance or to understandably dish out evil in return for the evil we have suffered, it offers our coat to the man who has just taken our cloak as a way of getting in God's "last word" on the subject or the incident. It does not bend to the pull of expressed darkness. Instead, it shines the brighter light -- one that points directly to God as both its source and its destination. "Father, forgive (the men who humiliate, torture and destroy me), for they do not know what they are doing". Think of Paul and Barnabas with the Philippian jailor. Think of Corrie ten Boom and the Nazis. Think of Immaculee' Ilibagiza and the fellow Rwandans who murdered her family and who would also have murdered her. Radical forgiveness is fueled by the inextinguishable flame of goodness, mercy and strength that burns in the heart of God.

Discerning different kinds of forgiveness enables us to better handle the implications of the different kinds of offenses we experience. It also better equips us to make decisions in regards to how we will treat those who have harmed or offended us. So whether from a posture of generosity, obedience or even spiritual warfare, forgiveness offered through the grace of Christ always gives God the last word in a matter and glorifies Him as the source of boundless mercy and saving grace.