Making Your Contribution - The Secret to Happiness?

"O Divine Master, 

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life"

- Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

These days I think a lot about "making my contribution to the lives of others". It is on my mind when I wake up in the morning.  It is something that comes up in my prayers and is a regular topic in my conversations with friends and family.  This notion of "making my contribution" guides my thinking, helps meorganize my priorities, and shapes my perception of success.

"For it is in giving that we receive..."  

If there is a secret to happiness, this is it.  The happiest people I know are those who are actively engaged in discovering and delivering their unique contribution to the lives of others. Talk about people who are "switched on"!  It is amazing to behold.  

One young mother I know is developing a support network for young moms like her through personal contacts and social networking. It is fantastic to watch her blossom as she learns more about how to add value to her ever-expanding circle of mommies. Another friend is currently being trained to teach "Art For Healing" techniques which greatly help people process their feelings and their faith. Still another just said "yes" to coaching his daughter's softball team after the original coach was unable to continue.  Although he is new at coaching softball, his contribution to the team's well being is already being felt!

  

I have lived 5 1/2 decades and, for some reason, I have more people like this in my life than ever.  I feel like a rich man.  Hanging around with "givers" is endlessly inspiring.  My studies and experience tell me that contribution is the central task of the "second half" of life.  

Being a "second-halfer" myself and having so many peers in this category may account for some of why I seem to be surrounded by so many generous souls.  And yet, it is not all about age for I know some remarkable young people who value making their contribution to others at a high level as well.

The outstanding characteristics shared by the majority of "givers" I know - whether younger or older - is their vibrant relationship with God and their ongoing pursuit of spiritual maturity.  When an entire household is filled with the grace it is a glorious thing!  I think, for example, of the two host families that open their homes to us for our Sunday house church and our Friday night Bible study group. Week after week they share their trust, their living space, their resources and their time with us at an extraordinary level.  The children in these host families range in age from very young to mid and upper teens.   You should see how they join their parents in their generosity and servanthood towards us so that we don't feel so much like "guests" as "family".   

"O Divine Master, 

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love

It is getting clearer and clearer that contemporary society offers two competing world views.  One is the consumer mentality that frames life as a race to arrive at the finish line with the most "toys", the most applause and the most power over others.  Those possessed of this worldview are never satisfied.  Not only is their cup never full, it simply has no bottom.

The other is a contributor mentality that frames this lifetime as a gift that will soon enough come to conclusion.  Therefore, their goals are not about self-aggrandizement but generosity of hand and heart.  Their passion is to live with purpose - to do what they were made to do - whatever that may be. This, of course, is the biblical worldview so clearly annunciated by Jesus in His continuing call for us to be people who are  "rich towards God" (Luke 12:21).    

“For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and  it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life"

The Secret of a Happy Heart

The secret of a happy heart is gratitude. Entitlement -- to whatever extent we nurture it -- is toxic to happiness. If I feel I am owed, then getting what I want or deserve only puts me back to baseline. There is no overflow of joy. A temporary feeling of being "paid up" is as good as it gets. That has nothing to do with true happiness.

The happy in heart draw their happiness from a well of gratitude. They feel blessed because everything they have, no matter how little, is not something they are "owed", but is something grace has provided. The happy in heart stop to appreciate their blessings, even if troubles also abound. "In this world you shall have tribulation...", Jesus said. They know this is true. They have reckoned the fact that reversals, heartaches, disappointments and difficulties are part of the deal. So they focus instead at the miracles of their blessings -- great or small. They see these blessings as gifts from outside of themselves (unearned) and give thanks to The Giver that they have been so favored.

Happiness is totally a matter of perspective and gratitude. I met a man last weekend who has lost everything he once took pride in -- four houses, a marriage, abundant money -- all kinds of things people consider desireable. All gone. Losing all these things has been the hardest part of his journey. However, he reported to me that he is happier now than when he had them. Why? Because he is grateful for what he DOES have and knows that he is blessed to have anything at all.

If just having "stuff" could make us happy, then the most affluent parts of town -- Newport Coast, Beverly Hills, Coto de Caza (!) -- you name it, should be bubbling over with joyful people having excellent days every day. Look how much they have! Those should be the happiest neighborhoods on earth!! I ask you: is that your experience of these places?

And the poor neighborhoods should be places without music, without any joy, without appreciation for the simple things. Just hotbeds of dissatisfaction and entitlement. Is there no joy or appreciation among the poor? And the middle class areas should be full of people who are sort of happy but not fully because they know there are others who have more. Are there no happy middle class folk?

The reality is that we find both entitlement and happiness in all classes, in both sexes, at all levels, and in all parts of the world. The determinant factor in happiness is gratitude for God's blessings, not stuff or power or adoration or anything else. We're happy if we choose to be grateful, no matter who we are. We are unhappy if we nurture entitlement, no matter how much or how little we have. That's the seceret of a happy heart.

Are You Happy?

While I was in Phoenix last weekend, I ducked out for a bite with an old friend from high school. We hadn't actually seen one another in decades and it was great to have time for a meal together.

Over the course of our dinner we swapped stories about our lives and reviewed some of the events, choices, and experiences that had filled the passing years. We laughed at old memories, caught up on a what had become of some of our friends and, of course, updated each other on our life histories.

In the midst of all our chatter, I paused and asked John this key question:

"Are you happy?"

It is a question I ask myself from time-to-time. I am impressed by the way those three words clear the air of lesser questions and moves me to focus on my true interior state. So, let me ask you now: "are you happy?"

If your answer is a solid "yes", congratulations. In my experience, you are a pretty rare breed. But if it is "no", I wonder if you can specifically identify what it is that stands in the way of your own happiness.

Go ahead, try it. Ask yourself: "Am I happy?" and then pay close attention to what happens next.

"The pursuit of happiness is noble. It benefits everyone around the individual pursuing it, and it benefits humanity. And that is why happiness is a moral obligation."

Dennis Prager