Rebuilding After Loss, Part Two - Assessment

"I set out during the night with a few men. I had not told anyone what my God had put in my heart to do for Jerusalem. There were no mounts with me except the one I was riding on" (Nehemiah 2: 12) NIV

The Wisdom of Assessment

A fellow pastor I know enjoys rock climbing with his son.  After getting valuable experience, they decided to tackle a particularly difficult climb -- their biggest challenge yet.  They decided to obtain an expert guide to assist them.  

Before they actually attempted the climb, the guide took them to a nearby vantage point so they could assess their challenge one piece at a time before engaging it. "The first segment of the climb will be hard", the expert told them as he drew their attention to the lower parts of the mountain.  "But we'll rest there and get ready for the next part", he added as he identified a small resting place.

The guide then pointed out the next segment of the climb. It would be much more difficult.  He went through it with them bit-by-bit until they all understood the strategy they would use to complete it.  Another resting point was identified. 

The third segment was very, very hard.  My friend later reported that he was pretty sure he would not be able to complete it.  Their guide assured them that they were up to the task but it would take everything they had.  Once again, they reviewed each part of that final climb in detail before they struck out to begin.

Taking Time to Assess

In our hurry to escape the pain, anxiety, or discouragement that follows grief, loss and major reversals; we may be tempted to skip the assessment phase of the rebuilding process. This can actually delay our progress.  Both Nehemiah and the rock climbing expert model the importance of first making a good assessment of the challenges we are facing before diving in.

A good assessment is holistic and includes the spiritual, emotional, physical and relational aspects of rebuilding after loss.  We need to look carefully at what it will take to restore our sense of spiritual balance.  Nothing is more fundamental to a good recovery than a clear sense of the presence of God and His promises to us in Christ.

A thorough assessment of our emotions is also in order. Are we emotionally over or under reacting?  Are we managing stress, anxiety and grief reasonably well?

Physically, we need to pay attention to our sleeping and eating habits.  If these have changed much in either direction (noticeably more eating or sleeping or noticeably less), we would do well to take note.  We will need our best physical resources to manage the overall task ahead.

Finally, we must properly assess our relationships.  Who do we have who can be present to our process with us in a helpful way? Who do we need to add to that list?

Once we have undergone a good assessment of the rebuilding process, the overall advances will be much greater than if we rush to rebuild too quickly.  

  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  

"Then I said to them, “You see the trouble we are in: Jerusalem lies in ruins, and its gates have been burned with fire. Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem, and we will no longer be in disgrace.  I also told them about the gracious hand of my God upon me and what the king had said to me. They replied, “Let us start rebuilding.” So they began this good work” (Nehemiah 2:17, 18)

Rebuilding After Loss, Part One

Nehemiah, one of the Hebrews who had been living in exile in Babylon finally got news from home.  But it wasn't good:

"Those who survived the exile and are back in the province are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem is broken down and its gates have been burned with fire".

Nehemiah was heartbroken: "When I heard these things, I wept..."(Neh.1:3,4).

Loss.  Reversal.  Bereavement.  These experiences have the power to stun us - to "knock the wind" out of us - and to even shut us completely down with sorrow.  Many of the people living in our own times are experiencing reversal and loss due to our country's economy as well as other factors. For many, these are trying times, indeed.

Do you know someone who is seeking to rebuild after grief or loss?  Perhaps you have friends, family members and neighbors who have lost jobs.  So many Americans have lost homes and other prized possessions as the financial pressures have taken their toll. And there are other kinds of losses, too. These include the loss of one's dignity, ability to trust, and sense of personal identity or safety. Perhaps you are going through such a time.

Life sometimes includes "mega-losses" such as when people lose important friends, a spouse, or a child.  Enduring such reversals puts us on the receiving end of some of life's heaviest possible blows. And so, all of this begs the question: can people successfully recover from such devastating circumstances? I believe the answer is "yes".  But restoration is not a quick or easy process.

Rebuilding Again - Beginning in Prayer

After expressing his initial sorrow and grief, Nehemiah began to engage the Lord in prayer. Prayer is certainly "Job One" in the rebuilding process for we cannot come back from powerful losses well without the wisdom, comfort, grace and empowering presence of God.

Nehemiah's prayer life remained rich throughout the daunting project of restoration he led the people to begin.  Along the way he faced stiff resistance from enemies, the need to keep a large team of workers motivated and other logistical and personal challenges.

Wise Nehemiah knew that this re-building would require more than what human hands and resources could provide.  Again and again, he called on God for help.  As he did, he shared each challenge and victory with the Lord as if He was right beside him in the process (He was!).

Just as prayer played a major role in Nehemiah's rebuilding effort, so must it play a key role in your own loss recovery story.  Many testify that prayers of many kinds - from gutsy, intensive prayers of praise and petition to deeply reflective prayers of Christ-centered meditation - have been their lifeline while in restoration and rebuilding mode.

"Then I (Nehemiah) said: "O Lord, God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love with those who love Him and obey His commands, let Your ear be attentive and Your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before You day and night for your servants, the people of Israel ..." (Neh. 1:5, 6a)